UFO spotted over the central coast of NSW!

Latest breaking news…
“Unidentified flying object spotted over the central coast of Sydney”
“Witnesses report seeing a strange object in the sky, resembling a woman, with spinach trails following her ascent!”

Oh my GOD! I am just one giant fart bag.
This can’t possibly be good for you.
So much for a detox. I feel as though I am just accumulating toxic (and I mean toxic!) gases at an alarming speed.
I swear, I am about to explode all over the walls.

Right about now, because she was whinging, I need to say that the person ultimately responsible for us going on this stupidly insane detox CLEANSE , is my daughter – Shai.
She complained because I made it sound like it was all my idea.
Well, I’m happy to hand the responsibility of my deteriorating sense of well being right back over to her.
It’s all her fault!

Oh the young….they are so smug.
Them and their perfectly shiny insides and uncompromised digestive systems.
She told me, as I complained today that I was “weak”.
I told her I would like to punch her.

And that my dears, just about sums up how I feel today.

Even the cat made an appearance at my bedside.
Yes, I took myself off to bed this afternoon. Too weak, frail and depressed to do anything else.
The cat rarely comes to sleep with me – but I have noted in the past that when I’m unwell he always seems to come and snuggle up at my side.
A bit like the “death cat”. Heard of it? The one in the nursing home that always knows when a patient is about to die and goes to sleep on their bed?
He sniffed me for a long time and then decided I smell like death.
These farts…ooh, I would agree.

I am salivating at the thought of mere chicken broth.
Fruit is beginning to revolt me.
I fear all my teeth will fall out with all this fructose.
Indeed I read of this happening to a man today on the internet! I mean not TODAY, while he was ON the internet…but it happened to him.
See I can’t even think or write straight the gases inside my wretched body are permeating my brain too.

Too much fructose, darling Shai, can lead to candida overgrowth problems, which in turn compromises digestion.
So how’s that going to work?

I’m really not sure this raw food thing is for me.
I certainly do not feel any CLEANSING going on.
Just a whole lot of damage to the ozone layer!