If the end of the world comes……


You see this? (above) this is my life.

Our son asks for a new toothbrush and my husband goes out and buys FIFTY toothbrushes.
I kid you not, there are fifty brand new American dental society approved toothbrushes in that pile, all with groovy little stick on thingamyjigs to stick them to the bathroom wall.
That ALONE terrifies me.
Once the children know they can conveniently stick them above the sink (we’ve never had those fancy ones before) there will be nothing but toothbrushes decorating the bathroom.
It will be a nightmare mosaic of squashed bristles, all in varying degrees of toothbrush abuse all over the wall…. Because you don’t think they will remove the old ones do you?
I see these things. I am a see-er.
No. I must open all fifty of them and remove all of the stick on thingamyjigs because they are a dangerous toothbrush accessory.

The reason my 14 year old son has been hounding his dad for a new toothbrush is because his current one (only a few weeks old) now looks like a squashed hedgehog.
This child wears through toothbrushes at the same rate as he does shoes.

I don’t know what he’s trying to do when he brushes his teeth? Scratch his brain?
The evidence is all over the mirror. Toothpaste spatter for days.
It’s almost like an aboriginal rock painting. You know the ones where they spray the white paint from their mouths? Spatter painting.
That’s what my son does.
Why does he need to get so close to the mirror to do this anyway?
Does he not know where to locate his teeth?
Can he not somewhat close his mouth when he brushes?
Does he even HAVE any teeth left after all that scrubbing?
Geez, they can’t be that dirty that he has to remove all the enamel too!
Gently brush” is the key…. not annihilate.

Anyway, this is my life because this is always what my husband does.
We express that we need ONE of something and suddenly we have a lifetime supply of it.

Take the latest yoghurt thing.
I have been eating plain yoghurt lately. You know, natural Greek yoghurt. Good for a healthy gut. (I enjoy it with blueberries for dessert.)
Now suddenly my husband is MAKING yoghurt….but fear not, as soon as he gets it right we’re going to have enough yoghurt to fix the acidophilus imbalance of the whole neighbourhood.
There is already one sizeable saucepan in the fridge, alongside a GIANT container of Greek yoghurt that I’m diligently trying to work my way through.

In years gone by it was the fettuccine avalanches that would rain down from the top shelf of the pantry, on my head, because suddenly we needed hundreds of packets of fettuccine.
The row of tins of diced tomato’s and corn at the moment are looking pretty “doomsday prepper -ish” and the canned beetroot is dangerously out of control.
Recently he bought home 8 I think it was, or it could of been 6 ENORMOUS jars of pickles….because we said we fancied pickles.
It took five of us a good couple of weeks to get through those. We now have dill pickle burn out.

But you see…..these things have to be on special before he will buy them.
I couldn’t just say….”Darling, I really like tim tams. I fancy some tim tams” and hey presto fifty packets of THOSE would magically appear in my pantry.
No, he’s not some kind of magical genie that you make a wish and :::: “twinkling of mystical bells” :::: do these things simply APPEAR.

Shopping for BARGAINS is a career for my husband. He revels in it. LIVES for it.
And make no mistake he’s a haggler! If he can get something even a tiny bit cheaper he’ll haggle.
I’ve had to STOP him from doing this in places like Vinnie’s and Salvo’s. (Second hand shops)
You just can’t DO that there!
Lord, it gets embarrassing sometimes.

Anyway, so now I have to find a place underneath my bathroom cabinet to house all fifty of these damn toothbrushes, among the dozens of boxes of Sensodyne toothpaste and the assortment of dental floss that my husband brought back from his last trip to the Philippines.

At least, if the end of the world comes, we’ll all have clean teeth.

PS… Wanna know how much the toothbrushes were? 10 cents each.
He thinks it’s the bargain of a lifetime. He’s over the moon!
I want to know WHY they were so cheap.

About Tracy Lundgren

I am a people watcher,life observer, nature lover, spiritual seeker loving this crazy wild ride that life is taking me on. I am still a blank piece of paper waiting to be filled and that is good.
This entry was posted in Family, Humour, husbands, Life, life experiences, Love, Marriage, Parenting, teenagers and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to If the end of the world comes……

  1. utesmile says:

    This is hilarious, well your husband is. At least your son goes through them fast so they should be gone within a year, if one new one per week. I would go crazy with the shopping habits of your husband. But then you need to put this to your advantage….. does it work that you say you need a new handbag?? Will he buy 3 straight away? Mind you I love bargains too still I don’t go overboard, as I do not have the space. You must have a big house. Must be fun to go shopping with him, well not for you anymore, I would love to follow him. 🙂

    • desertrose7 says:

      No, it is TORTURE to shop with him. Just doing the supermarket shopping alone is a hellish thing. We have to visit about five different stores to get the “bargains”.
      Yes the house is big, but it’s beginning to feel a lot smaller these days as this “stuff” mounts up.
      It’s also very hard to diet.

  2. I have just got home from a dinner and I almost wet myself reading this, I have tears now as I type on my phone. Yoghurt fettuccine toothbrushes ahhhhh I LOVED this Trace every hysterical word.

  3. Reblogged this on Ramblings From A Mum and commented:
    If you don’t follow Tracy please read this .. as you may wish too. She is hilarious .

  4. maximum9510 says:

    Hilarious !! I endured the exact opposite, had to pester the Ex constantly to remember what we liked or needed … 😉

  5. Ralph says:

    Another one of your brilliantly funny posts Tracy. I have never seen so many toothbrushes in one home. Ralph xox 😀

  6. HAHA ! The last sentence is a true testiment to the difference between a husband and his wife. Please do so share your fluffy-hedge hog bathroom decor one day; fun to be a mom eh.

    • desertrose7 says:

      Testiment indeed! 😉
      And fun it is….My husband bought my son an electric guitar today, at a market…..because it was, yup….”a bargain!”
      Someone just put me in a straight jacket NOW!

      • Oh, I can’t begin to explain how much joy your family’s genuinity brings for the Duck hahaha. Lucky son though, now he can head bang while brushing his teeth, a new vision of art is about to come through.

  7. I Am Jasmine Kyle says:

    And you know toothbrushes are like sponges! SO every flush… sneeze… flu bug… you get where i’m going. You always have the most fun creative posts!

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