As a mother you realise when your daughter has made the transition from girl to woman not because she begins sporting bumps and curves in places where before there weren’t any.
Not because she begins to wear makeup or appears to be interested in boys…
Not even because of a particular birthday.
A girl becomes a true “woman” when suddenly she appears carrying a proper handbag.
Knapsack things that look like small versions of school bags, or long strapped book bag looking things don’t count.
I mean a proper grown up LADY hand bag.
Ok, so it’s confusing, because some people call it a purse.
A purse – to me is a small thing inside your handbag that you put loose change in.
Horses for courses….you know what I mean by handbag though.
The hand part is important because they ARE handy. Vital in fact.
The essence of a woman’s world is what is found inside her handbag.
It defines a woman.
The inside of mine is usually a mess.
BUT it has the tools for survival in it.
(Note -The younger your children are the more of a mess it is because then it becomes the “garbage bag”.)
I’m writing this because I’m dropping hints to my seventeen year old daughter that I think it’s time to make the transition from girlhood to womanhood.
She needs a handbag, because I am sick of going out with her and ending up having to carry everything FOR her.
Look, really it’s just an important item every woman needs to carry all these essential little things, like nail files, nail clippers, deodorant, drink bottles, lip balm, tissues, sunglasses, reading glasses, headache tablets, a notepad and pens, bus timetables,sanitary items, eyedrops, chewing gum, moist wipes, bobby pins and hair ties, antacids, dental floss, band aids, and of course some money.
I carry all of the above in my handbag.
Oh you think that’s extreme?
You should see what’s in my stepmothers handbag. It’s the royal Mary Poppins bag of all bags.
Anything you need, she has it. Tools, spare underwear, sewing kits, corkscrews…. The list is really endless when it comes to HER bag and it’s really a bit of a mystery as to exactly what’s in it but I promise you if you need it, she’ll magically pull it out of her bag.
I’m surprised she hasn’t pulled a rabbit out!
Now that’s a serious survivalist handbag.
Think of it this way (dear handbagless daughter)
What if you were abducted and thrown in the boot of someone’s car?
What if you got stuck in a lift?
What if somehow you became stranded?
Without the tools of life found inside a real LADY handbag you would be up the proverbial creek without a paddle.
You just never KNOW how handy that little (or big in most cases) that handbag is going to be!
To fight off an attacker – keys placed between your knuckles are a good defensive weapon.
Deodorant or hairspray sprayed in their face.
Even a metal nail file can be used as a shank. (I’m not violent.)
Just the sheer weight of your hand bag can be used to bash someone about the head!
Tools my dear, for survival.
I once got caught trying to board a plane with a knife in the bottom of my handbag.
I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even KNOW it was in there.
And it was just a butter knife anyway.
That was in the days when my handbag was a garbage bag (well, more OF a garbage bag – I promise you it’s getting better now.)
We’d been on a picnic with the kids and after we’d packed everything up in the car I saw that there was still a knife left at the picnic table, so…into the deep dark depths my handbag it went, forgotten for weeks.
Until airport security questioned me.
But just think how handy that knife could have been, in any unforeseen circumstance?
You just never know when something’s gonna need buttering.
No, it’s time my youngest daughter becomes a REAL woman.
The two eldest have made the transition, easily and without objections. In fact I didn’t even need to pester THEM.
One daughter now has entered into the “garbage bag” phase, because she now has a child.
She doesn’t know it yet but oh, so soon all her attempts to stay neat and organised will fly straight out the window and right into the frightening depths of her handbag.
Just having a HUSBAND requires the necessity of a fully stocked handbag!
Oh I wish man bags would become more readily accepted!
Why should it be the responsibility of the woman to be the supplier of tissues, nail clippers, panadol, lip balm, band aids and drinks?
Not to mention the many times they ask you “Can you put this in your bag for me?”
No, men need their OWN damn man bags!
My husband actually bought a man bag once.
Then he asked me to carry it in MY handbag!
Do you see why women’s hand bags come in jumbo size?
Soon they’ll have handbags on wheels , for the weight of responsibility that lies within a woman’s handbag is HUGE.
Her family’s survival depends on it!
That’s what a handbag truly is.
The womb of responsibility.
What’s inside it can be a nightmare sometimes, but it truly is a rite of passage.
I think it’s time we went proper HANDBAG shopping!
I’m tempted to ask the ladies “What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever discovered in your handbag?” but…I don’t think I really want to know.
Oh, and I’ve done a big spring clean of my handbag in preparation for my upcoming flight.
Definitely no knives, but a whole world of new essential stuff has suddenly found it’s way in there. 😦