Warning! Not for those with weak stomachs.

file000177357244

Remember this picture. If you start to feel ill at any time, scroll up and look at the cute puppy.

So today I look at my fourteen year old son and he is sporting these huge red lips.
“Are your lips dry? Have you been licking your lips? You need some lip balm on those.”
“I’ve been putting paw paw lotion on them.” he says.
“Wait, no, not paw paw lotion…tiger balm.”
WHAT?
So I explain to him what tiger balm is for.
“I wondered why they were burning.” he says.
Lord! Do I still need to lock the medicine cupboard up now that he is a teenager?

Why don’t men read the instructions?
It’s like they think all those words printed on the labels of things are just there for decoration.
“I don’t need instructions! I’m a MAN. I have… the KNOWING.”
If my son had read all the blurb on the jar of tiger balm he would have read what it says it’s for…headaches, stuffy nose, sprains, muscle pains…..and flatulence.
Yeah, flatulence.
Don’t ask me how, because I have wondered myself.
But never, ever….for lips!

Anyway, speaking of MEN. (Here comes the gross stuff.)
My husband is currently ill in bed, a day before we are due to go away – overnight, to some secret location, because he won’t tell me WHERE, to celebrate our 26th Wedding anniversary.

But….that’s if we get to go.

You see….about 29 years ago I TOLD my husband that he should have this rather large sebaceous cyst cut out of his back.
“No no…it’s fine.”…..and it was, for nearly three decades, but suddenly last night he came home and there is a VOLCANO on his back.
I’m talking Mt Vesuvius about to ERUPT.
I’m talking…..it’s like he needs an over the shoulder boulder holder to contain this thing!
Angry and RED…..swollen to excruciating proportions and so obviously full of PUS!
(Remember….cute puppy above, if in need.)
It really alarmed me, so I sent him to the doctors today.
Even the doctor was shocked!
Nothing they can do while it’s so inflamed and painful so he has to take antibiotics in the meantime.
Now tonight he’s feverish, feeling nauseous and in bed with wheat pillows on his (hunch) back.
29 years ago…..I TOLD him to have something done about it.
He never listens.

Anyway, I’m not sleeping with him tonight. This thing looks ready to EXPLODE and I do not want to be in the line of fire when it does.
Disgusting hey.
Have you ever watched you tube video’s on excising cysts?
My daughter has shown me.
Why she watches these things I don’t know.
Well, I do, because it’s hideously fascinating.
But you don’t want to be sleeping next to something that is a potential cream cheese BOMB. (cute puppy….cute puppy…)
So tonight I’m in the lounge room. I think that’s far enough away.

Tomorrow night I don’t know where I’ll be.

Today marks the day, after seven months of living back with us that my 25 year old daughter has once again left home to return to the middle of the bloody desert somewhere over in Western Australia.
To Karratha to be precise. Never know how to spell it. I bet over there the burly mining blokes say “Krrrraaaathaaaa!”
She’s been offered a job as a restaurant manager. Who couldn’t turn that offer down!
Well, those of us that that love living in the boonie boonies anyway.
Those that love 35 bloody degree’s (In winter!) dust, flies and tumbleweeds.
Not me.
I told her she’s not allowed to fall in love with anyone over there, because it’s too far away.
She can make friends, but no babies.

I’m sad, but happy for her.
I miss her already.

Wait- don’t eat that sandwich yet!
During the writing of this blog my husband came into me and said.
“Uhh…can you look….I think it’s popped.”

OOOOhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyy!
God, you’d never thought I was once a nurse hey, but I truly did NOT want to look.
Then he asks me to “clean it up”.

Aggghhhrrrssshhhhhhpppphhhhhllllleeeegggghhhh!!!

Do I have to?

Well, I tried. Armed with my reading glasses (as makeshift goggles) and a tea towel wrapped around my face and long GLOVES. Mind you, all done while I’ve got hair dye in my hair. I looked a real treat.

It hasn’t totally popped.
A stubborn plug of cream cheese (crackers anybody?) remains with lots more gooey stuff to come out.
I really wanted to just SQUEEZE it….gently, but I know you shouldn’t….and he wouldn’t let me. ::::sigh:::
It’s going to leave a crater from hell once it does pop.

Are you feeling queasy yet?

I had to refrain myself from posting pictures, but I did tell my 17 year old to get some “good pics” for her year 12 artwork.
She’s doing this photography/visual arts thing on HEALTH.
How handy to have something truly grotesque right at hand….or on back, as the case may be, right here at home.

Somewhere in the shadows my 14 year old tiger balmed lipped son has been lurking whilst all this drama has been going on tonight.
You only have to mention something ever so slightly “icky” and he’s dry retching. God knows how he’s ever going to deal with his own children.
He keeps calling out asking for updates on his father’s unfortunate situation, but is too afraid to REALLY come take a proper look. (chicken)

All good fun.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
Hopefully fully popped things!

Advertisements

About Tracy Lundgren

I am a people watcher,life observer, nature lover, spiritual seeker loving this crazy wild ride that life is taking me on. I am still a blank piece of paper waiting to be filled and that is good.
This entry was posted in Australia, Children, Doctors, Entertainment, Family, health and well being, husbands, Life, life experiences, Love, Marriage, teenagers and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Warning! Not for those with weak stomachs.

  1. Ralph says:

    Yuk ! Yuk !! Tracy !! Are you living a movie ? So when is the cute puppy being born out of your husband’s back ? A hot flannel should help clear Vesuvius. Ralph xox 😀

  2. Tasneem says:

    29 years??? That’s a long time to not get something like that checked. When will men learn :p lol. Actually, when my husband’s shoulder bone popped out, he just said, “Push it in for me” I wasn’t that strong and then he says, “Stand on it”
    So, I did. I literally had to jump on his shoulder and tada…it worked. But I wont do that again. Ever.

  3. I read this last night in bed.. pretty puppy…cute puppy..pussy cyst…come here puppy… eww but so bloody funny 🙂 Happy Anniversary…did the earth move..no just my back exploding 😉 xx

  4. lonlon558 says:

    Okay, so I have to ask: any movement? Give us a status update, please! I’m embarassed to say that I want to know. But I want to know!

    • desertrose7 says:

      lol! Well, it’s taken it’s time (I thought it would) but the antibiotics obviously did the trick, as did the body’s own healing ability.
      Rather gross process but the entire cyst opened up into a sizeable hole and all the gunk has been draining out. I’ve had to dress it every day.
      It’s now drying up and closing over.
      Quite a thing really. Antibiotics are VITAL for something like this.

      • lonlon558 says:

        Okay, eww. And thank you for satisfying my curiosity. I couldn’t help it.

        Any photos/videos of the process? I am totally one of those people who enjoy/cringe-and-almost-vomit while searching for youtube videos of this exact nature. Eww. Gross. Yes. That’s me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s