My mother cracks me up sometimes.
I got a phone call from her last night and first off she was very cranky with me because she’d been trying to call and my phone was not hung up properly.
Then she launches into a tirade about how angry she is with the clubs that her and her partner go to. She’s always cranky with the clubs because she likes to go out “rock and roll” dancing and every time she turns around the dance floor is shrinking – so they have more room for poker machines, you see.
Or they have cut this band out or that band or reduced the amount of time bands play for.
She rang and complained the other day, she was telling me…
“We pay good money to be members of your club but if you’re going to cut down the time for bands playing then we just won’t be coming anymore!”
“I will tell them.” curtly said whoever was on the other end of the phone.
“Ma’am you’re being very aggressive.” he also said, apparently, which I found extremely funny.
My mother is all of 5 foot tall and all she wants to do is “rock and roll” dance, but she’s being “aggressive” by putting in a complaint?
Grow some testicles boy!
Anyway, so then she tells me of her latest torment….the new mobile phone she’s bought.
She’s like me, resisting technology. It’s her first real mobile phone and she hasn’t got a CLUE how it works.
She rang a few weeks ago trying to ask ME questions about it.
I have no idea. I don’t own a phone or USE a phone, despite my daughter donating her old one which has been sitting on the bench happily charging away for weeks now.
I just never remember to take it WITH me!
“The phone says….explore your phone!” says my mother.
“So I started pressing buttons and bang…there goes $30 worth of credit! I haven’t even made a phone call yet and it’s cost me $30 damn dollars!”
“I don’t know how you did that mum. ” (I’m laughing, but empathising at the same time.)
“EXPLORE your phone it says! ” she huffs.
“Tracy it’s not for lack of trying! I’m trying to get with the times and learn all these new things but this is the second $30 it’s chewed and now I’ve locked it somehow and I can’t figure out how to UNlock it! I’m taking it back to the shop, again! ”
I’m just imagining the frustration of whoever she’s been talking to at the store where she bought the phone. People like THEM, just don’t understand people like US. The clueless…the absolute virgins to mobile phones.
They must want to run and hide when they see my mother marching in, phone in hand, all five foot of her looking very….”aggressive”.
It’s like learning your way around a computer for the first time. A different world, a different language!
I’d be like her…just press all the buttons and see what happens.
“I’ve put it on silent now anyway.” she says.
“I don’t want it to ring” (lol!)
“Then it wakes me up in the night , flashing…CHARGE ME, CHARGE ME!”
And then she tells me how she actually phoned Telstra, to complain about the messages they keep sending her on the phone.
I don’t know what these messages are…probably akin to spam in your email inbox, but for some reason it’s greatly disturbing my mother that they are “sending her messages”.
God…she’ll be wearing tin foil on her head soon.
“I don’t know WHAT I’ll do if I take it out with me and it starts vibrating!” she says.
You are a character mum.
I daren’t ask her if she wants to buy a computer so she can actually email all her family back in Africa. (Instead of getting me to send them messages.)
I think that would well and truly do her head in!