I haven’t written a post in a while and that’s because I have been afraid to, because I know it will end up sounding like a whine.
But, BUGGER it! I shall have a whine!
I’m a mess.
I don’t know if it’s starting on this HRT, things adjusting themselves, you know, or the combination of all the supplements I’m on…or the low iron thing or the dicky thyroid thing but my GOD, do I feel like a basket case!
I’m no stranger to anxiety. It peaked for me as a teenager (and just when the hormones were all topsy turvy then too.) So it shouldn’t be any surprise that after years of reprieve that now, as the hormones once again surge and roil and flounder around like beached whales on the shores of my sanity (ha….and I thought I’d lost the ability to write!) …well, hello again stranger. Nice to feel you once again in the pit of my belly, churning around, dancing like butterflies…..keeping me awake at night and waking me up at unearthly hours, and just generally hijacking my mind.
I feel sorry for my husband, I really do.
I am NOT a nice person to live with at the moment. In fact, some psychotic bitch has moved into our house.
The real me is bound and gagged somewhere, wrapped in plastic, hidden in a cupboard somewhere….not QUITE dead, but slowly suffocating.
And this is NOTHING! (so they say)
Just PERI menopause… not yet the full blown fully insane part yet.
My teenage daughter suggested to me that I go and find a menopause forum, you know….so I feel less alone.
I have been there….I have seen….and it is UGLY.
Head zaps.
There’s something I haven’t yet experienced.
Now I’m just paranoid. Waiting for it to hit me….a head zap!
How terrifying!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT! (Can you imagine?)
As if hot flushes and cold sweats, leaky bladders and bugs crawling under the skin aren’t bad enough, but to contemplate the possibility of my own brain giving me self inflicted shock therapy is almost too much to bear.
No, I can’t visit those forums. Sorry. It’s too scary.
Right now, under the influence of PMS I am in full on organisational, “I need to move things around in the house” AGAIN.
It’s just what I do.
I crave chocolate, and I move furniture round and throw stuff out.
Oh, and I sometimes break down and cry and scream and rage and say really shitty things to the people I love the most.
(Forgive me!)
But…I’m not losing hope…and they mustn’t either.
This WILL get better hey?
They made me fudge.
Life always feels better with a bit of fudge…
Even IF my “health nut always on OUR case about eating healthy” teenage daughter DID eat almost half that plate of fudge ALL to herself! I can’t believe she did that!
PS….this is what my one eye looks like at the moment.
If ANYONE has advice for dry eyes……PLEASE let me know. Fudge did not help.
Twisted Gypsy 
Wow, do all women have to go through that eventually? I mean, the severity of it. Because I always thought PMS is bad…women just have it bad…and now I guess I have THAT to look forward to.Scary!
About the dry eyes, I use a humidifier in the room and also Bausch and Lomb eye drops which are great. And sometimes if it’s really bad I put a warm wet washcloth over my eyelids for a while. Hope that helps 🙂 I’d definitely suggest a humidifier though.
What a good idea about the humidifier. Never thought of that. Thanks! I’ll google the eye drops too.
No, not all women have a nightmare of a time gong through these changes. I have one friend who breezed through it. Over and done with in the blink of an eye with only a few hot flushes to speak of. On the other hand I have another friend who could barely function….
I’ve never really had bad PMS, so this is all a it of a surprise to me.
I’ve been on the receiving end of this anxiety, if you follow me so I have some sympathy for your husband and also for you. Once you find the right supplements I think things do settle down. I hope so. This reply was written from a bunker at the bottom of the garden
lol! I think I understand the difficulty of being on the receiving end. Us women are a complex bunch to fathom at the best of times. Throw in some whacky hormones and I can see why a fallout shelter is required.
Well hey…life is never dull with us, at least?
Why is that when you write a post like this I cannot help but laugh. Mybad I know, but you have a brilliant knack of writing as you are speaking. I feel for you and all the crap you are going through. I honestly do. I had the flushes a few mood swings and though having to contend with those for 5 or so years it was over never to return. I hope the real you emerges from the cupboard soon, but in the meantime I do enjoy reading…even if you are going to ‘hell in basket’ at the moment 😦 xx
I am glad for you it’s all done and dusted. (Oh that must be so nice!)
The joys of hot flushes are as yet still a mystery to me.(Can’t wait!) Maybe I won’t get the traditional ones though? That’d be me. I get like burning sensations that last for HOURS in different parts of my face though. At one point these burning sensations would actually move around on my face….the WEIRDEST feeling. Migrating hot flashes? Sometimes it’s a burning feeling that feels like an ice cold burn. Whatever it is it’s insanely annoying!
I feel better right now. The mood swings are so erratic. I feel like I have multiple personality disorder.
I shouldn’t complain though.
But then again…why the hell not!
🙂
Complain away my sweet – though you are experiencing some odd things ? 😦 Hopefully things will change and settle once your hormones fit into place.
xxx
Little presetn for you !Cheer up!
We are all in this together as women and whining is ok sometimes. It will get better again, hold on to that thought!
Good you have patient people around you. That will help you too. For eyes I am sure there are drops or creams to put in, my dad had one once, which I put in for him!
Hope you are better and feeling yourself agian soon!