I’m just OVER it!

Since I turned forty I’ve literally felt like shit.
Not understanding why, I’ve been from doctor to doctor with a wide array of seemingly disconnected, and sometimes bizarre symptoms which have at times made me simply miserable.
The anxiety surrounding not knowing WHY has at times caused me to become somewhat of a googlaholic imagining all kinds of disturbing health afflictions.

At times yes, I’ve felt crazy.
At times certainly I’ve felt like a hypochondriac.
I’ve felt frustrated and stupid and whiney and alone.
I have not felt like “myself” for five years now!
I’ve blamed anxiety, for the most part, because that’s always been with me, and caused many unpleasant physical sensations, but it’s got to the point where I am certain that all of this shitty stuff I’ve been going through for the past five years is due to perimenopause.

You would think that would be easy to diagnose hey, considering that every woman goes through it and considering half the population of the world is female that doctors would put two and two together and say….”Aha….I think I have the answer for you”

That’s not been the case for me.
I’ve literally experienced doctors scoffing at the mere mention of the P word.
That’s because, most of them only believe in the M word – Menopause.
The cessation of a woman’s regular cycle. THAT makes sense to them…..It’s real and tangible and it’s in black and white written in their medical books.
The lead up TO it, is of little consequence it seems, to them, which to me is insane, considering that for some unfortunate women it can last up to a DECADE!

I have even seen FEMALE doctors and argued with them, to the point of one leaving me in tears, treating me like some hysterical stupid woman.
I have said to them… (and this IS undoubtedly the case!)” But isn’t menopause a gradual process….just as puberty is a gradual process, and during that process, which may take years, there are physiological changes that occur due to fluctuating hormones?”
I have said….”You don’t just wake up and suddenly you are IN menopause, no more cycle, all done and dusted and there you go it’s all over with!”
This one female doctor actually ARGUED with me about this….

I have asked, time and time again….”Do you think these things happening to me are because of dicky hormones?” to which each and every doctor has hedged and skirted the issue, ummed and ahhed and never given me a definitive answer.
Oh they’ve sent me for blood tests and each time they tell me….”Your hormone levels are normal.”
So, I’ve thought….ok, well it can’t be that then, and gone away until the next thing hits me.

One thing that happened to me was (guys you can stop reading….this is really aimed at women and could get into the TMI realm for most men’s sensibilities. Though really, I reckon if you’re a guy with a woman in your life you SHOULD know about these things!)
One thing that happened was that I suddenly started having periods from hell. I mean, not being able to leave the house (some days) bleeding for a month straight hell.
Eventually I went for an ultrasound…..the lining of my uterus was abnormally thickened.
I researched this in depth and discovered that this hyperplasia thing is caused by a hormonal imbalance….too much oestrogen…..and the doctors answer was to tell me to take progesterone!
Guess what, all of that happened even though my hormones AGAIN tested “normal”.

Well, that was it for me. I just hold no relevance for those blood tests.
They tell you nothing.
I decided, of my own accord to try natural progesterone cream, which DID seem to help, for regulating ones cycle anyway.

But I have gotten to the point where I am tired of feeling tired. Sick of feeling “unwell”.
I’m just OVER all these bizarre weird and persistent symptoms.

Here’s a list of them.

Dry eyes (To the point of corneal abrasions!)
Dry mouth
Burning tongue (a recent thing I posted of)
Dry skin
Brittle thinning hair
Thyroid problems (I went hyperthyroid at one point. Oh my, that was fun!)
Joint pain
Muscle pain
Restless legs
Pins and needles in my hands and feet, especially at night in bed.
Sharp stabbing pains on one side of my head
Buzzing sensations under the skin
Sore breasts
Erratic cycle
Digestive disturbances
Heartburn (Suddenly foods I used to eat, I can’t tolerate)
Burning face (Not a hot flush….like something has been rubbed on my skin causing irritation and mild pain. The latest current lovely sensation I am dealing with)
Excessive thirst
Irritable bladder (I call it…Water just goes straight through me and feels like it’s not reaching my cells….I feel constantly dehydrated.)
Fluttering feeling as I fall asleep – waking me up.
Inability to fall and STAY asleep.
Light intolerance (I live like a vampire)
Intolerance to heat
Night sweats
Weight gain
Inability to concentrate
Mood swings

So, like I said….I’ve had enough.

I had this idea in my head that because menopause is a natural physiological process that somehow I could deal with it naturally.
I’ve researched SO much on dietary changes, the power of nutrition, tried the natural progesterone cream, tried nutritional suppliments for women, and basically just put up with whatever crap my body has decided to throw at me but I can’t take it anymore!

I don’t want to live to be really old anyway, not ancient….I’ve given up smoking, rarely drink these days, I eat well (for the most part) I take sensible suppliments like fish oil and magnesium for the restless legs.
Nothing I have tried is helping.

So, this week I am going back to the only doctor who has agreed that this is all due to perimenopause and I am going to go on HRT.

It’s a huge move for me because I have resisted for so long. Truth be told I really do NOT like the idea of synthetic hormones. I DO worry about the risk of breast cancer, and the lesser risk of stroke.
I’m concerned about the long term risks, and how hard it might be to withdraw from them….
I AM an advocate for the more natural healing forms of “medicine”, but I’m literally going insane here.
I can’t focus on LIFE….on LIVING when all these stupid things are stealing my concentration and my energy!

I just want to feel like “me” again.

About Tracy Lundgren

I am a people watcher,life observer, nature lover, spiritual seeker loving this crazy wild ride that life is taking me on. I am still a blank piece of paper waiting to be filled and that is good.
This entry was posted in Getting older, health and well being, hormones, Life, life experiences, Perimenopause, Sleep and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to I’m just OVER it!

  1. Oh Tracy can I say it yes I shall what a shit! You have been through the wringer and back it seems, with the medical profession not knowing what the hell is going on. I would have also said perimenopausal, I suffered a few of your symptoms but not nearly the amount that you have 😦 Could some of them be stress induced from the worry of not having an answer also? It’s a case of do whatever you have to do to try and get a hold on this as clearly it is taking hold of your life. My thoughts go out to you and I hope that a solution can be reached quickly and you become ‘you’ again very soon. xx

    • desertrose7 says:

      I totally think stress is exacerbating the situation, yes. It’s like a catch 22 situation though. One minute I’m ok, then I get say, like now, this burning face thing and because it feels so odd and irritating I become stressed.
      I’ve always said…if MEN went through menopause the government and health system would be investing billions, and devoting untold amounts of time to research the situation medically, and there would be a FREE menopause clinic on every street corner!

      • Your symptoms do sound more than peri or the big M though 😦 I think maybe a Specialist should be involved? I haven’t heard of the face burning thing… oh yes don’t get me started on what would be dished out for the men folk. Hope as I said that you get to the bottom of it very quickly as you can’t go on experiencing this.

      • desertrose7 says:

        Thanks, I hope so too. Going to see the doc today.

      • I hope it was good news? x

      • desertrose7 says:

        So sweet that you remembered and have asked. 🙂
        Just a few more blood tests and then I’ll be starting on the hormones.
        He said – you’ll either come back in a few weeks time and kiss me, or hit me. 😉
        We’ll see. I’m willing to give it a go and see if it sorts out these issues.

  2. Ralph says:

    I am not a doctor Tracy. I wish I could help.

    I am pretty much in the same boat where the specialists don’t know why my hands shake. I have told them countless times that it is due to stress, poor diet and lack of sleep when I was caring for a dying woman with cancer 24/7, alone, for months on end. Oh no, they say. It’s genetic, bypassing generations (but none of my relatives had such problems). I had the lot, brain scans, bone marrow extracted, xrays…. you name it, all negative !! They won’t listen !! But I am in the clutches of the Spanish National Health system and they won’t let go until they have found out what is wrong with me …….. duh !!

    I really do wish you well and I hope they find something ……. an ingrowing toenail perhaps 😉 xox 😀

    • desertrose7 says:

      Sorry to hear that Ralph. It must be frustrating to have the shakes?
      Your situation seems like the opposite to mine…..at least the doctors are actively trying to find out the reason for your shaking hands. The doctors here just keep sending me away…..and probably hoping I’ll just disappear.

      • Ralph says:

        I read this a while ago which may or may not help you and others Tracy 😀

      • desertrose7 says:

        Scary stuff Ralph. Yes, it’s worth considering, especially if you live in a place prone to moisture and molds. Don’t think that applies in my situation though.
        Reminds me of a documentary I watched just last night though about the mass deaths of thousands of bats….apparently a particular type of mold spore….usually found on dead decomposing matter, had suddenly began to attack living organisms…like these bats. Frightening!

      • Ralph says:

        What Lyn did point out was :

        The person with candida overgrowth may be walking through life quite ill with the following experiences:

        1) All tests come back “normal”.
        2)You’re being treated for various ailments whose symptoms return when medication is finished, possibly with additional side effects and no resolution.
        3)You’ve been told your symptoms and illness are “psychological.”

        I think it is worth considering seriously Tracy.

      • Ralph says:

        It may be the cause of my problem. I will bring it up with my hospital case doctor when I see her again on 12 June.

      • desertrose7 says:

        I guess it’s worth considering Ralph.

  3. Dan says:

    Hugs from the other side of the world.

    I hear ya about losing faith in the medical profession.
    And perhaps it’s more than the health area.
    I seriously think that we’re losing our ability to “listen”.
    But there’s another time and place for that discussion.

    This is not going to make you feel any better, I know, but your symptoms are literally 95% of what my wife is also going through.
    One of her newer problems that’s not on your list is her constant bringing up mucus.
    None of the doctors can tell her what’s causing this so we are off to the University of South Florida this Friday to see if there are any diagnosticians that can tell my wife what’s causing this problem.
    She goes through at least 3 boxes of Kleenex a day. I’m sure she could fill a gallon jug each day with the amount of mucus she brings up.
    If they can’t tell us what’s wrong I have suggested that we go to the Mayo Clinic which has a facility in Jacksonville, FL which is about a 6 hours drive.
    My wife has problems sitting in one spot for longer than half an hour let alone 6.
    That’s part of the second big problem she has which we hope to tackle next.

    I was also googling and found this item from 2010.
    Looks like the University of NSW is to be included in this endeavor.
    Or how about the University of Sydney?

    Before you go the HRT route don’t you think you should really find out exactly what’s causing your symptoms?
    I can’t imagine how frustrated you must feel, but perhaps you should take one step back, a deep breath and think about it.
    I know, it’s so easy for me to say, but I’m just trying to offer some friendly advice. 😕

    I hope that you begin to feel like your old self again soon.
    Sending you some good good vibrations from the west coast of FL. 🙂

    • desertrose7 says:

      Sorry about your wife Dan. Her situation is so complicated compared to mine. I really hope they can find our why she has this new unpleasant symptom. It must be so frustrating for her. 😦
      For five years I have had ultrasounds, every blood test known to man, and then repeats of the same blood tests… Doctors are very test result oriented. If nothing shows up then nothing can be wrong, and the patient (especially if you are female) is deemed “hysterical”….”anxious”…..and more often than not anti depressants are prescribed.
      I’m a stubborn woman. I refuse to be dismissed because I know my body better than anyone else and it is telling me, screaming at me, that something is “out of whack’.
      I truly believe you have to be proactive when dealing with the medical system….do your own research, and FIGHT to be heard. I never take what doctors say as gospel. They are NOT Gods and they really do not know everything.
      My plan is to try HRT for three- six months and if nothing changes then I figure there’s my answer….then it’s NOT hormonal.
      Then I’ll fight some more, because I deserve to have a decent quality of life!

      • Dan says:

        Thanks Tracy. Hopefully we’ll see on Friday.
        I don’t have a problem with doctors being test oriented. It’s what they decide to do or prescribe when those tests show up negative that worries me.
        I hope that the doctor you are seeing for your HRT is at least a D.O. and over 55.
        It’s not that I’m discriminating over age, but over experience and faith in their ability to make sane thoughtful judgements taking everything into account, know what I mean?
        You be as stubborn as you have to be. It’s your life and nobody else’s.
        I hope you find relief soon.
        Peace. 🙂

  4. Tracy, I have had and still have just about every symptom that you have listed. I feel like utter crap… but I feel better if I am very careful to avoid many foods that I once could eat without any problem.

    My daughter as you know was diagnosed with sero negative spondoloartritis and the MD told her the disease in inherited, must likely from me. Since she has been ill and I have been stressed to the max, my symptoms have multipied as if coming out of the woodwork one by one.

    I have altered my diet in a drastic manner and I am some better. I have also been taking chlortrimeton which is an antihistamine. At night I take Motrin 400mg and the antihistamine which helps me sleep. I have restless leg which the antihistamine alleviates but I must take it every night without fail. I also take calcium and magnesium. I am beginning to remove all gluten from my diet, citrus, all dairy, no cane sugar or sweeteners of any kind excpt honey, no spices, and the list goes on.

    Lisa is now eating a gluten free diet and she is feeling a tad better. I am feeling not quite as fatigued and the numbness and tingling is less but it is still there. I am almost a carbon copy of all of your symptoms and mine just gradually became worse over time. Stress it the big culprit. I am lots older than you but this disease rears its ugly head as one ages. Some poeple get it when they are young. I have had symptoms to varying degrees all my life and always thought it “was my nerves.”

    Sorry to dwell on my own symptoms- but I wrote this in your blog, in an effort to let you know that you are not nuts and you are not in the “boat alone.”

    • desertrose7 says:

      I’m sorry that you too are/have been feeling like crap with all these annoying symptoms. :(That’s the thing…I realise that my symptoms are such a mish mash and very difficult for doctors to “fit nice and neatly into one box”.
      Considering though that I am of the age when hormones do start to go awry, you would think that doctors would give that more consideration. Even minor hormone changes can throw your system into chaos.
      My daughter has also been trying to go gluten free…Talk about almost freaking IMPOSSIBLE!
      I truly do have an understanding now of just how difficult it must be for people with gluten intolerance. And it’s SO expensive!
      I certainly am of the belief that the foods you eat can have a HUGE impact, as you know.
      There are so many foods that have psytoestrogen effects. I have to wonder too at all the additives and artificial elements….and the meddling they do with our so called “natural” foods.
      Anyway, glad to hear that Lisa is feeling slightly better, and you too! Hope it continues for both of you!

  5. Hey, you take care…how about a new song to cheer yourself up! (And us as well!) 🙂

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