Nothing much has happened lately for me to write about.
Just life being crazy busy in the normal mundane crazy busy way.
I’ve been waiting and waiting for something even mildly amusing or unusually interesting to happen, but nothing has.
Oh the other night I had to sit and wait in the car by myself for a whole hour, in the dark, ALONE, in a deserted street, while my two daughters did their beginners belly dance class (for the first time – I convinced them to try it. ) My teacher said I wasn’t allowed to watch though :::pout::::
Something about them feeling intimidated by having their mother watch them try to dance for the first time.
Would *I* laugh at my own children?
Do you know how long an hour is, when you have been banished to sit in a dark car by yourself?
No phone to play with (because I don’t own one) No technological gadgets to fiddle with (Because I don’t own any.)
All I had was my handbag, in the dark.
Didn’t want the light on…attract attention…a lone woman in a car on a dark street.
You know….just caution.
Boredom had me feeling my way round inside my bag, seeing/feeling what interesting things I had stashed in there. (Bit of a gamble really. My handbag is like the jaws of hell, so my husband says. He refuses to go in there!)
Kinda like that childhood game you used to play at parties….remember when you actually used to play real physical hands on GAMES?
Like pop the balloon between your legs….pin the tail on the donkey…..pass the parcel! The taste test game? I used to love that one.
Remember the one where a tray would be brought out with a multitude of objects hidden under a cloth and you had to slip your hand under and guess what each object was without being able to see it?
Don’t worry, you have to be relegated to the antique section to remember that one.
Back in the dark ages, from whence I came…….
Well, I played that game with myself in the car.
I felt around in the vast caverns of horror called my handbag, and among other unidentifiable …things… found my lip balm….never without THAT. I actually have about three different kinds in there. Just in case my lips completely crack up and fall off in public.
Found what I thought, but wasn’t sure, was a small hotel sample bottle of moisturiser….but it could have been shampoo, poked in a pocket in there at the last minute to take camping. (My husband always nicks them when he travels. We have so many its ludicrous. He has hotel kleptomania. Coffee tea, sugar, soap, complimentary fold up toothbrushes….. He even stole some bathroom scales once from a hotel because they were old fashioned non digital scales and I happened to mention on the phone to him how hard it was to FIND old fashioned bathroom scales like that.
I’m embarrassed to admit that he went and nicked them because I am an HONEST person, and would never steal anything….big.)
I took a gamble and rubbed it all over my arms. Nothing wildly lathered so I figured it was either moisturiser, or conditioner.
Then I found some floss…..so I flossed my teeth. (Hell, I was bored ok!)
I remembered I had some chewing gum in there….somewhere….so I found that and chewed a piece to complete my dental refreshment.
I started humming.
Quite disconcerting really, in that dampened silence, in a closed car…to hear yourself hum.
I hummed for a while, feeling quite mad.
A man came walking down the street with his shopping hanging heavily from both hands, so I slunk down in the seat and tried to not look like a mad woman sitting alone in a dark car humming to herself.
I don’t think he saw me, but just in case I slipped the car keys between my knuckles, as per instructed by my long time ago self defense teacher.
If he tried to get in the car I would PUNCH him, with my very long key….right in the chest.
If that didn’t work, I would KNEE him in the balls very hard and when his head came up I would JAB him with my finger right in the soft spot in the middle of his neck.
Actually, I found that whole self defense class very exhilarating. (I would like to do another one.)
There is a very wild aggressive woman in me just itching to poke someone in the throat!
I was getting very violent in my thoughts there.
Luckily, as tempted as he might have been feeling at the time, he decided against breaking into the car attempting to molest or kidnap this very crazy humming lady.
Good call shopping man!
Go on home now and make some beans on toast instead.
I hummed some more. Quite a nice little minor chordish melody I had going there.
A bit spooky really.
I tried with syllables. It’s easier than humming, but far more insane sounding, especially since when I make up songs I usually start with this speaking in tongues nonsensical “thing” that I do.
So there I sat, alone, in a dark car, in a dark street, singing in tongues to myself.
A woman walking her dog appeared.
She looked haggard, tired, doing the walk out of duty rather than pleasure.
You should be inhaling DEEP woman! (I projected to her from my head.)
Breathe the night air into your lungs……savour it!
You’re alive, you have two good legs still…..FEEL them connect with the earth underneath the concrete and remember where you are….On this amazing beautiful planet….this earth….this wonderful EARTH. Look UP….at the stars!
Rejoice in your step, in your breath….like your dog!
(But don’t poop on the grass.)
She didn’t hear me. Such a shame.
I had wonderful inspiring things to say to her that I’m SURE would have lifted her spirits.
I sang in tongues some more, sipped from my water bottle.
I began to get a headache.
It became more insistent.
Killing time is stressful….it makes your brain hurt.
I rummaged around for some panadol.
I thought I found some….I wasn’t sure. Couldn’t read the words in the slither of streetlight on my lap. I swallowed them anyway, whatever they were.
Now I was a pill popping humming/singing in tongues lunatic woman alone in a dark car, on a dark street.
My GOD, hasn’t it been an hour ALREADY?
I decided that this was the answer to all my problems.
Not popping pills…
See, I get so distressed about the fact that time seems to be speeding up, the older I get.
Don’t you find that?
A day, a week, a month… a YEAR…..GONE! Just like that , time gets swallowed up by this greedy thing called LIFE and I feel panicked by it!
“I’m not doing enough…..LIVING enough….experiencing enough!”
Making the MOST of it.
I fret about it a lot.
It seems though that if you sit in a dark car, on a dark street long enough, time actually slows right down!
It’s wonderful….in a really mad way.
I actually, since that night, googled it….The perception of time going faster than what it is.
Seems that I’m not alone.
Many of us are sitting here fretting about it, apparently.
Apparently, according to some….whoever’s article it was I googled. (Two actually said the same thing.)
It’s got to do with the fact that as children, so many of our experiences are new and unique so therefore the brain is using more of its energy to process the experiences, therefore giving the perception that time is moving slower?
Whereas when you are an adult, so much of what you do is routine, mundane and familiar, so you just kinda float through it all and time gets chewed up and spat out rudely, and much much quicker…. in your perception.
So….the solution to the problem seems to be that you should be seeking new and exciting, totally brand new experiences each and every day, in order to make time feel as though it is passing slower!
Like sitting in a dark car, flossing your teeth and humming, practising self defense moves in your head.
I think that qualifies as a first, for me, believe it or not.
That poke in the throat is a good move.