I can’t find a good picture of a tongue. They’re all gross. After having googled images of tongues I’m not pretty sure that I don’t even want my OWN in my mouth.
That’s an understatement really.
The last thing I want in my mouth at the moment is my own tongue!
All will be revealed in a moment.
Where have I been for more than a week? Cat’s got my tongue you been thinking?
Not quite, but SOMETHING has got my tongue.
I have promised myself this will not be a whiney, oh woe is me post!
Nope! I swear I will be upbeat, and witty and funny! (I’m lying)
Because having a really really SORE BURNING TONGUE is pure hysteria.
See me laughing like a maniac here?
Almost….from going INSANE!
Oh the things that have been on MY tongue this week.
Turmeric and honey…..(Turmeric has anti inflammatory properties you see and honey is a natural antibacterial)
Raw cabbage…..chewed up in my mouth. Yep. Crazy sounding?
Well, again, cabbage has anti inflammatory properties (amazing healing vegetable!)
Apple cider vinegar (youch you say? Well….yes, but diluted is tolerable.)
Apple cider vinegar is another one of those wonder things. Good for SO many things. Google it!
I’ve been eating bowlfuls of cabbage/garlic and onion soup. All pureed up. Quite tasty (Honestly!)
I have no idea how I smell though.
Ok, so then I started googling possibilities because all these natural remedies weren’t doing a thing.
Kept coming up with ORAL THRUSH. Bleh!
Ok, well…..I’m willing to give it a go….ANYTHING to stop the burning!
I even, as an additional measure went into the chemist and asked for a bottle of acidophilus tablets.
Could not believe that the WOMEN working in there did not even know what acidophilus tablets were FOR.
“What are they for?” they asked…..the whole room. Chemist is FULL of people…men and women….
“FOR THRUSH…..VAGINAL THRUSH AND THRUSH IN THE MOUTH THRUSH!”
Ok, so I didn’t quite say it like that but I did say, quite unabashed….”For THRUSH!”
(They had the hide to look a little bit embarrassed.)
My God! They didn’t even KNOW that?
See….see how my faith in the medical world is constantly being shaken?
The stuff for your mouth turned out to be torturous. Made me feel nauseous and KILLED my tongue….but I took the entire course.
Made not ONE bit of difference! I knew it wouldn’t. I know what oral thrush looks like…I was a nurse and I have had four babies!
Then, after a week of this I went to the doctor.
Why didn’t I just go to the doctor in the first place.
I’ll tell you why….
Because doctors SUCK.
I have been seeing doctors for five years and all for NOTHING. Biggest waste of time and money!
So he looked in my mouth.
As they do…
Doctors always look at your tongue, have you noticed that? “Say ahhhhhh.”
That’s because….I’ll tell you a secret…. a lot can be told about your state of health by the state of your TONGUE.
*I* know this!
“Your tongue is very inflamed.”
(Well DUH…..I KNOW this. YOUR job is to tell me WHY, and FiX it!)
“Come back and see me next week.”
So you can look and tell me again that I have a very very sore tongue!
Same story every time.
I tried to tell him about “burning mouth syndrome”…..Yeah, read about it online….years ago – the LAST time this happened to me.
“Oh, don’t go reading all that stuff online!” says the doctor.
“We’ll look for the most common causes first.”
Why don’t doctors LISTEN!
I’m onto it Doc! Been there, done that!
Yeah yeah….don’t look for Zebra’s first….horses are WAY more common.
I get it!
I get that the internet is full of crazy zebras.
I am a logical person….You don’t think I examined all the HORSES first?
Anyway, so I’m really on the brink of going completely insane here.
I have resorted to pain killers, numbing mouth wash and probably the worst possible thing….but what the HELL….alcohol.
Not just my tongue, but the inside of my lips….like I’ve been burned.
My tongue feels smooth, like it has lost all the little papillae….It hasn’t though.
Can’t taste much, can’t concentrate much….it hurts to talk….
But I’m tired of being MISERABLE!
I’m just going to pretend this isn’t happening…
“This is not my tongue in my mouth! ……this is not my beautiful house…..this is not my beautiful wife….Letting the days go by….water flowing underground!” (Talking heads you’re in MY head again!”
Anyway…this too shall pass.
I know it will.
I will be much happier and saner (and funnier)…soon.
I’ll go back to the doctors on Tuesday.
Perhaps I should put in a request for a tongue transplant.