It is not because I don’t love my husband, because I do.
It is not because I don’t want to share the same marital bed, because I do, but I’m sorry, ENOUGH is ENOUGH.
For the past couple of weeks I have been severely sleep deprived, and I’ve turned really violent.
Instead of shaking him to make him “TURN OVER!” in an attempt to get him to stop snoring, (he snores even on his side now!) I have taken to PUNCHING him…..throwing a quick HARD elbow jab. I mean hard enough that sometimes I worry he will react violently back! Any normal person in a confused ‘woken up by pain” situation would.
Not him! He’s just a noisy freaking CORPSE!
I’m ashamed to admit my violent streak, but when it’s 4 am and you have been woken up for the seventeenth time just at that moment of slipping off to sleep…..
Speaking of which, that “slipping off to sleep” thing is something I have been struggling with for more than a year now.
I have told THREE doctors about it and they have no idea what I am talking about, nor how to help me.
See, I have this most bizarre thing that happens just as I’m about to fall asleep.
At the very moment when you slip from the precipice of consciousness to sleep I get this sensation…. This very disconcerting sensation.
It’s like a fluttering, fast vibration (sort of) but more like a fluttering in my body, mainly in my torso, arms and hands, but sometimes it’s my entire body, even my feet.
It comes in a wave.
At first I thought the bed was shaking, then I realised it was just my body….INSIDE my body, shaking.
It pulls me back from the brink of sleep rudely and jolts me awake, because the sensation is so bizarre .
Even after I am fully awake it continues for a few minutes, gradually fading away…
It has lasted for the time it takes me to get up and walk to the bathroom, get a drink, or use the loo, whatever….
I wondered if it was maybe some sort of weird heart palpitation thing so I’d sit there and try and feel my pulse, but it’s impossible to feel because everything is fluttering so fast that my pulse can’t be found!
I’m pretty sure it’s not my heart….not palpitations because I’ve lived with those since my teens and I KNOW what they feel like.
When you have palpitations the blood is directed AWAY from extremities, to the heart.
I’ve never had palpitations in my hands and feet!
This is something entirely different.
Really, falling asleep is WAKING ME UP.
So combine that horrible situation with a horrendous snorer who further WAKES ME UP, or doesn’t allow me to relax and try to fall asleep at all.
Well, going to bed is just hell.
I’ve begun to fear…..going to bed.
Last night (Well, at somewhere around 2 am) I couldn’t take it anymore. I just got up, took my pillows and went into the lounge room and made a bed on the couch.
Then I was hungry. Couldn’t fall asleep because my body was saying “Hey, it’s been 8 hrs since the last meal. Isn’t it time for another one?”
I had to get up and make a sandwich.
Insomnia is going to make me fat!
Took at least another hour for me to feel settled enough to TRY, again, to fall asleep.
I’m not even going to bother trying to fall asleep in the bedroom anymore.
I hate the fact that I have to use the lounge room as a bedroom, but the alternative could lead to severe spousal abuse.
The only real sleep I’ve been getting is when my husbands alarm clock goes off at 5.30 am and I yell at him to “Please get up and LET ME SLEEP!”
Slowly but surely my sleep patterns are switching and I’m becoming nocturnal.
I woke up at 10.30 am this morning on the couch, after being woken by the kids getting up for school, my husband talking to them, the dishwasher being noisily unstacked…
I could have slept MORE…..into the afternoon, but how disgusting is that.
As much as I love the night, there is just stuff that has to be done during the day.
I will not taking sleeping tablets!
That would not work anyway.
How could it? Falling asleep is waking me up!
I don’t know how much it would cost to go to one of those sleep lab things, where they might be able to find out what this weird trembly, shaking thing is.
It’s probably just some chemical being released in my brain as sleep kicks in, causing odd sensations.
It’s more than likely some anxiety related thing. Of course. Story of my life!
Maybe it’s some hormonal thing?
It will probably disappear, eventually. I just have to be patient.
It did the entire time we were away in the Philippines……but then again…..I shared a bed with my daughter, NOT my husband there!
Hmmm….is there a link?
So, I will be a creature of the couch now.
I refuse to be tortured any more.