Missing something.

 

I belong in another place and time.
I can see it with my minds eye.

The colours are muted and the streets paved with cobblestones.
I am a gypsy, a nomad, a wanderer, with long raven hair and emerald eyes, wearing a long faded red velvet dress.

In the evening we gather around a fire, a ragtaggle group, and there is the soft sound of drumming as quiet songs float into the night.
Life is simple but it’s hard.
Gritty.
In the distance dogs bark, night birds sound mournful cries through the tangled woods.
A  full moon slips over the horizon, a golden moon.
Even there, I am hypnotised by the moon.
Sitting with strangers, although I am accepted, I know I am not like them. Not “one of them”.
Alone, apart…
It seems my destiny, through time, through these many lives.

“Why do you look so sad?”, I was asked decades ago, in this present life.
I do not know why, but I am.
Something deep down in the very core of me is “missing something“.
A loss for which I yearn eternally.
An internal pacing, a seeking, for what I can’t decipher, or describe.
All I know is this hunger, which nothing, nor no person can fill.

Was it here, in this place of muted colours where I wandered aimlessly through dappled forests, alone?
Somewhere in the mists of lonely moors, with the sound of an angry sea crashing on rocks beneath towering cliffs?
Was it somewhere on those dusty cobblestone streets… that I lost this thing that now haunts the deep recesses of my mind?

I see lanterns and lamplight….open doors where people huddle inside painted wagons, heads bent over candlelit tables, speaking in low murmurs.
Babies crying in the night, soothed by mothers breasts.
Maybe, just maybe is this a child I have lost?
Is this the source of my internal restless melancholy?
No, it is not the same loss.
It is more the hunger of losing something as deeply entwined as a soul mate.
Perhaps it is a twin?
Could that be it?
“I am missing something.”

There is no use trying to make sense of the soul.
You will lose your mind trying to unravel these mysteries.
Senseless, yet you are driven to the brink of madness to find the source, find the answer…Satiate the hunger.
The soul speaks, sometimes it screams, and you hear it…..clamp your hands over ears, try everything to drown it out, but there is nothing you can do.
No matter where you wander, with your feet, or with your mind, you just can’t cross time, defy what is surely impossible, to reach the place, where ever it is.
To find that lost thing.