Would you like a spoon with that?

pudding

It’s been a day of breasts.
Really titty?

Finished up the last of my Christmas shopping.
Hey….where’s the throngs of people spending madly and stupidly?
Seriously, there’s a real lack of people about this year, it seems.
Maybe they’re all buying online these days?
But all the people I DID see, well, all I could see were their BREASTS.

It’s not that necklines are plunging, but it seems that girls are using CRANES to hoist up their boozies nowadays.
Is there some new bra out that I’m unaware of?
Some new and improved version of the maximizer bra. What did they call it? Oh I can’t think…the one that lifts you up – and almost dangerously out?
Whatever this latest uplifting experience is, all I am seeing are giant puddings jiggling from practically right underneath women’s chins!
I feel like saying “Would you like a spoon with that?”
Honestly, when you push breasts up that far, even nice young firm ones, they can’t help but wibble like jelly.  (I think I just created a new word – “wibble”.)

That’s some serious hoisting going on there ladies!
Lord knows how it must feel for THESE women to release the beasts from the confines of their boulder holders at the end of the day.

Honestly… girls,we KNOW you have breasts and are very proud of them, and you want to show them off, but it’s anatomically incorrect to have breasts at shoulder height.
Nipples chafing your chin.
A cleavage you can lick, yourself, without moving your head.

Maybe I’m just jealous hey.
If I tried to lift my breasts that high they’d slither out like giant eels.

Anyway, so I WAS looking for something for my breasts today.
Thought I’d treat them to an early Christmas present.
An “ahh bra.”
Yeah, I know, I’ve been sucked in by all those infomercials.
No, well, see I did buy a couple of the cheaper versions a while back.
Nothing “ahh” like happened. It was more like…” Ahh crap.”

Actually the cheap ones are ok to sleep in. Comfy. Nice for just hanging (literally) round the house.
If visitors are coming or if I go out I prefer to (respectably) raise my breasts up from waist level, but at home, by myself, well who cares.
It’s nice having SOMETHING on though so they don’t fall out of an armhole and get accidentally slammed in a door or whatever.

So I searched high and low and couldn’t find any more of these cheap rip off “Ahh bra” things.
But then lo and behold. I found the real deal!
Actual legitimate Ahh bra’s!
The price made me gag a bit, but I thought what the heck….They deserve a treat and maybe, just maybe the “ahh” would actually work in the REAL ones.

As fate would have it during the rest of my shopping day I saw several other versions of the “ahh bra” and each time the price dropped by about half!
Hate that.

So I was eager to get home and “unleash the beasts”….Actually, it’s funny, I have a friend who has recently just got false teeth and she can’t wait to get home and “take her teeth out”….My daughter and I BOTH today were having problems with our undies…For some reason we had hungry bums, or else our knickers were BOTH getting in knots, but that’s all we complained about to each other, all day, and couldn’t wait to get home to take our undies off!
Too much information I know. Sorry.
But hey….this is why I just don’t “get” the G string?
Why on EARTH would you want to walk around all day feeling like your underwear is scrunched up your bottom?

(Women are strange creatures.)

So at last I was home, free of my bothersome undergarments, and I excitedly tried on the…wait for it…….drum roll……ta da da da!……”AHH Bra.”

Oy!
So where’s the “ahh” factor?
Ahhh, I see, down there at my knees STILL.
Sheesh.

Ok, so what WAS I thinking?
Seems like metal traps and giant straps and all things that pinch, pull and squeeze are the only solution for anything bigger than a B cup.
Drat.

My daughter has told me I’ve seriously scarred her now, and will forever more be noticing all the “puddings” out there.
Hey, I just tell it like I see it and I’m seeing just too damned MUCH.

With cherries on top!

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About Tracy Lundgren

I am a people watcher,life observer, nature lover, spiritual seeker loving this crazy wild ride that life is taking me on. I am still a blank piece of paper waiting to be filled and that is good.
This entry was posted in Australia, Body image, Getting older, Humour, I don't fit in, Life, Shopping, society, Weird thoughts and odd stuff and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Would you like a spoon with that?

  1. JasmineKyleSings says:

    Now you know why people don’t have to ask women HOW THEY HANGING!!!!!
    2 EELS that’s exactly how I describe my breasts!

    • desertrose7 says:

      Be proud of your eels Jasmine. They are REAL eels, not plastic love bubbles. (those don’t wibble and I’m pretty sure most men prefer a bit of a wibble.)
      Go the REAL woman!

      • JasmineKyleSings says:

        Yeah but if I run with the wrong bra on they try to strangle me!!!! they get caught in my hair!!!! I NEVER want a plastic bubble but I will be getting a breast reduction!!!

  2. Adam S says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed this. I just can’t turn down a post about Boobs, so thank you for making my day. And yes, yes I would like a spoon with that! haha Awesome!

  3. Mrs D says:

    You need a Dita Von Teese bra – gorgeous & comfortable without any wibble. 😉

  4. Ralph says:

    I closed my eyes when I read this as it’s woman talk 😉 So I shall not comment about what I didn’t read. But I liked the dessert, so I shall press like 😉

  5. Miriam E. says:

    hahaha awesome. i do believe some girls hired tiny, tiny midgets to do all the lifting. poor creatures.

  6. Adam S says:

    Hello, darlin’! I wrote you a little thank you note for the award. It’s under the “Trophies and Stuff” tab at the top of my page. Check it out, and thanks!

  7. I laughed until the tears ran down my ears. Only because I was reminiscing over sitting on my tits at breakfast this morning. I have discovered that after eating way too much at Christmas my stomach has risen up to hold said appendages in a more attractive position. As for bum floss, tried some of that in an effort to entice the husband to some kinky f*ckery as per Fifty Shades. Haven’t seen it since – hoping that it will reappear before I have to send in a search party. Love your work.

    • desertrose7 says:

      I’m having the same stomach pushing things up problems Sasha. In fact I’ve been on a juice detox diet. (for almost a day….and then I collapsed.) Will have to post about the insanity of that soon…..

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