Yesterday my daughter convinced me to bring all the Christmas decorations upstairs and set everything up.
I’ve been a bit slow this year, kind of dragging my feet on the whole Christmas thing, partly because I’ve been so busy and also because I’m focused on a trip we’re taking the teenagers on in January – to the Philippines, so Christmas has been taking a bit of a back seat this year.
When I finally did bring all the Christmas boxes up I found this doll – the picture above, and it flooded me with the memory of the lady who made it, who inspired me by just a few words that she said to me, to write something at the time describing the “moment”.
A few years ago we were selling our candles at a craft market when I stopped to admire some beautifully hand crafted fabric dolls made by another stall holder.
Not “cute” or baby dolls, but whimsical, each with its own unique fanciful character.
The maker of the dolls was a short, overweight woman in her late fifties, early sixties,I’d guess, with long untidy grey hair.
“They’re amazing!” I said to her as I studied all the hand stitching and intricately formed faces of each doll.
“Thank you!” said the woman smiling at me from behind the booth.
“Do you make them all yourself?”
“Yes….and I also teach workshops on how to create them.”
“I travel to America and hold workshops there too.” She added, coyly.
“Wow, that’s great!” I said.
“Yes, I’m having a wonderful life.” Said the woman ,beaming.
It was this that almost stopped me dead in my tracks.
“I’m having a wonderful life.”
It wasn’t just that she said it, because to be honest I’ve never heard anyone actually say that before, but it was the WAY she said it, like with every fibre of her being it was the absolute ultimate TRUTH.
I bought a Christmas doll from her which is taken out every year, but really I should have purchased one to display all year round just to remind me of her because really, if I’m honest with myself I’d have to say….I want what SHE’S having!
I don’t have it.
I can’t say it….and feel it…. “I’m having a wonderful life!”
What a strange concept, to me.
Me, who is always seeking and searching and yearning and lamenting…..and probably moaning and complaining more than I should.
And it’s not that I’m particularly UNhappy with my life. God no. I love my husband and my four children and I am grateful to have such a wonderful extended family too, all of whom I appreciate and adore.
If I really think about it I’m lucky in so many ways to have what I have…….but…..
Of course there’s a but.
I just don’t have what she has. I know it.
A light radiating from within that reflects a contentedness, a life lived authentically with peace and joy and a smile positively screams “I am HAPPY!”
Happy with what I’ve got, and what I do and what I haven’t got and don’t do, and everything inbetween.
When my eldest (23 at the time) said “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.” I told her
“I know. I don’t either.”
But one day, I would like to be “her”….would like to shine that light out to somebody, so they feel it and KNOW it, when I say…
“I am having a wonderful life”.