I think I’ve started having hot flushes.
Sometime during the night I woke up feeling like I was on fire, even though I had the fan above the bed on all night and hubby was next to me, shivering in the fetal position with icicles hanging off him.
I’ve been wearing these loose baggy light T-shirt material long pants to bed, with a singlet top underneath an oversized T-shirt because my internal thermostat is dicky and I need layers I can remove if necessary.
I woke up and had apparently already stripped off the oversized T -shirt, but ohhhh I was so hot, so I reefed up the pants legs of these loose baggy pants, right up over my hips (no point taking them right off because I knew I’d get cold again.)
Then I needed to get up and make a bathroom trip.
I caught sight of myself in the mirror waddling like some kind of Sumo wrestler with these long pants pulled up like a twisted G string nappy around my hips. It wasn’t pretty.
Back in bed, the heat inside my body seemed to be getting worse so I pulled up my singlet top, right up, exposing my naked chest and I thought to myself as I lay there… “I must look like a sexual crimes victim.”
I need to warn my teenage children to please knock before they come in in the morning because I really don’t know what state I’ll be in.
For all I know I could have spontaneously combusted during the night and hubby may have succumbed to hypothermia.
This is not fun.
I won’t whine too much though because although I have been feeling mentally unstable since the time I turned forty, I know that I am just on the beginnings of the journey through menopause, and some women, in the full throes of it, are truly suffering. (I bow to those that have come through the other side with mental faculties intact.)
They told me “Life begins at forty!”
What a crock.
The minute I turned forty my body started falling apart. It started at the toes, with what I’m positive is a bunion forming.
A bunion. Far out! Old people get bunions!
I’ve never worn high heels or ridiculously pointed shoes that are designed to torture women’s feet. In fact I spend most of my time barefoot!
It seems grossly unfair that I have been so kind to my feet and now they have me hobbling around like a granny.
I’m going to BE a granny soon you know?
Sometime in February.
It’s a shame I won’t be able to see my grandson as I hold him in my arms. I will have to wait until he is walking so I can say “Go stand over the other side of the room so Nan can see what you look like.”
As a newborn he will just be a vague blur as I try to look at him all cross eyed there because my near sight is completely gone and I’m dragging my (crippled) feet on the whole “getting glasses” thing.
Me, wear glasses?
I don’t wanna wear glasses! Do you hear me?
Even if it means I no longer have to hold my book between my toes to see it!
Thread needles with lightning speed instead of invent new cuss words while I make painstaking guessing stabs.
I thought I might need a hearing aid also, because I just can’t understand what my fourteen year old son is SAYING, but the other day my husband said crossly . “Damn kid needs subtitles!”
So I guess it’s not just me.
I don’t WANT to get old.
I don’t want to wear navy blue polyester slacks and cardigans and drag a tartan pull along shopping trolley and have conversations about my bowel habits.
I don’t want a senior citizens card, senior citizens discounts and I don’t want a turkey neck wobbling when I laugh.
I think I got out of the wrong side of the bed in my sumo wrestler nappy.
I must focus on the things I am grateful for TODAY.
Thank God for ceiling fans.
They are my best friends.
….. Ok, it’s early my brain is still firing up…what else…thinking, thinking….
I thank the universe the sun is NOT shining today. It’s dark and gloomy and I LOVE that.
Give me gloom! Lots of it!
There will be rain and possibly thunderstorms which I adore.
I won’t have to water the garden and that pleases me immensely.
I am grateful that….
Oh you know what! Stuff it. I had such a sucky night that I’m just going back to bed!