My sixteen year old daughter keeps reading my blog and appears to be most upset by the experience.
She has accused me of “lying” particularly when describing particular incidences or descriptive phrases pertaining to HER.(Everything I say about everyone else seems to be perfectly fine.)
I’ve tried to patiently explain (actually I’ve been rolling around the couch laughing loudly at her pouty pontifications.) because I’m really surprised that she-who usually shares my off beat sense of humour, doesn’t understand the concept of “creative embellishment” for the sake of making something funnier than it otherwise is.
I mean, she lives in the same house as her father, who is constantly making us all laugh at his exaggerations (he totally believes the things he says.) and she herself is a master at exaggerating.
The evidence is plainly there in this example, and this is no word of a lie…no creative embellishment needed.
Daughter in question is trying to complete a school assignment.
Head is thrown dramatically into hands.
“I’m going to FAIL!” she moans.
“No you’re not…You underestimate yourself. You can do this! Don’t stress it will all be fine.”
“Noooo it won’t. I can’t do this and I AM going to fail!”
“Darling, think positive. You are very capable and you always do well even when you think you won’t. Just chill.”
“I caaaaan’t chill! If I fail this assignment I won’t get a good mark in this subject and if I don’t get a good mark it will bring all my other subject marks down, which means I’ll fail the whole YEAR. (Inhales) And if I fail the whole year it means I won’t get a good HSC mark which means I won’t be able to get into Uni and if I don’t get into Uni I’ll never get a good job which means I’ll never make any money and I’ll end up sleeping on the street and homeless.”
Which of course makes me crack up laughing.
See…she exaggerates too!
Maybe she’s not TRYING to be funny, but she IS funny in all her melodramatic teenage dramahood.
(She always does well at school.)
I hate school, I really do.
Can’t wait for the remaining two kids to finish school, so I can be done with it.
The older they get the more headaches school gives me.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that recently the questions my daughter asks for help with regarding homework assignments are causing me to have sharp pains in my head.
I have to ask her many times to repeat the questions SLOWLY, sometimes with me having to repeat them back to her just so I can be sure I’m understanding them.
It worries me. I think I might have some sort of an educational brain clot.
The other day my daughter was complaining about school…about how only ONE toilet in the girls toilet block has a lock on it, the toilet paper is like sandpaper and there is no soap to wash your hands with.
She was most upset about the soap situation.
“Start a petition!” I told her.
“Protest to the school about the lack of hygienic supplies!” (We’re always trying to teach her to be a little bit rebellious.)
My husband chimed in.
“Tell the school that if they don’t fix the locks on the toilet doors or give you soap you’ll all pee on the lawn!”
“That’s right!” I said.
“Just round up the boys…they’ll be super excited about the idea of communal peeing on the lawn. You won’t have any problems there!”
As usual our daughter shook her head and cast us with THAT look that says.
“Oh my…what AM I going to do with you both?”
After giving it a bit of thought my husband said.
“If the education system can’t even give you a decent EDUCATION, what makes you think they’ll provide you with soap?”
For once perhaps that was not an exaggeration, nor is it funny really.
But what about when THEY exaggerate about me?
“Mum is such a terrible cook…Remember that frozen pizza she made that was completely black on both sides and looked like a manhole cover?”
Would it have been funnier to just have said….
“Remember when mum ever so slightly overcooked that frozen pizza?”
See, they embellish and exaggerate too.
(Terrible cook indeed.)
I’m sorry, but half the fun of writing “humour” is the freedom it gives you to entertain people (or yourself, mostly.) by distorting facts (slightly) so that something relatively average becomes at least inner snigger worthy.
And on that note I’m going to dedicate this blog post to my incredibly unfunny, unattractive, totally unintelligent, most uninspiring daughter who I am convinced is going to totally fail life and grow up to be a crack snorting deranged, homeless serial killer.
PS – Darling…. I think you should aim for professional golfing as a career because you show such a natural talent for the sport.