Washing machine head.




I’m blogging late today and that’s because I actually got up early enough this morning to be able to go out for the day with a friend.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been in this awful cycle of not being able to fall asleep before 3.30 am (because of my snoring husband and restless leg) which has caused me to become an absolute exhausted MESS.

The thing is, it’s not just my snoring husband and restless leg keeping me awake.
It’s my restless mind, which if you really want to know is why I have turned to writing – to purge my mind of all this STUFF!

The stuff inside my head is like the inside of a washing machine. Round and round it goes –relentlessly, especially in bed at night.
I have not learned how to stop it.
Of course I’ve tried meditation, relaxation exercises…they help, but this mental gymnastics my brain does is a constant struggle.

The things that plague me the most, at bedtime, are all the little niggling worries and fears which become somehow magnified as soon as night falls.

Funny, it reminds me of a little old lady I looked after in a nursing home once – a grand old nursing home set on Sydney Harbour.  Amazing historic old place with a huge almost regal looking wooden staircase leading up to the second floor  that would creak, scaring you half to death, when you worked the night shift.
It’s not there anymore. The land was worth too much so they relocated all the patients elsewhere.
It’s probably some very rich and famous celebrity’s show home now.

Anyway, this little old lady was a very MAD little old lady. They all were there, most of them as a result of alcoholism.
I remember her sitting there chain smoking, reflecting, in her crazy way, of when she was younger.
She said to me…

“It always started at night…. As soon as the sun went down and it was dark. That’s when IT would begin.”

I could never get what “it” was out of her, but whenever she spoke of “IT” she looked sad and worried.
Whatever “it” was it had obviously tormented her, her whole life…
Poor dear thing. To live a whole life and still be haunted by “it”.

You see? See how easily my mind was sidetracked?
That’s just a mini example…tiny weeny example of the washing machine in my head.

What was I saying?
Oh yes, last night….

I was going to tell you how last night I became just overwhelmed by everything…the snoring, the restless leg, the washing machine head….SO, I found a radio, took it into the spare room – threw all the clean washing off the bed (that I haven’t gotten round to folding yet) and fiddled around with the radio until I found a station that sounded like a talkback show. (to distract my over thinking mind see.)

Only it wasn’t.
It was a weird station I’ve never heard of before EVER that had people telling STORIES.
I swear…like adult bedtime stories.
I’m not kidding.
Shit, was I hallucinating? That thought just struck me.
Is there really a radio station that does this?  Tells adult bedtime stories?
I’m actually quite worried now.
Is this lack of sleep sending me CRAZY?

No, I’m sure I didn’t imagine it.

It was some weird story too that I was listening to.
Something about a ghost jumping onto a giant chandelier, like in a theater or something and people chasing the ghost… There was a grandmother character involved – the narrator, a woman, did a pretty good job of the granny voice.
It was bizarre.  I couldn’t really make sense of the story because it’s not like reading a book where you hear your OWN voice in your head.  A familiar voice.
The story ended with a bunch of people grabbing the ghost and beating the crap out of him/it….only at the last minute they were left holding nothing but a pile of clothes.
How very strange it all was. Nothing about it made any sense at all, not then and not now.

I was lying there listening to this woman, wondering if she recorded the whole story in one go, or piece by piece. It was evident she recorded it all in one go because there were a couple of little stumblings she made over words.
It made me wonder if *I* could do that…record stories, because I do actually have a nice speaking voice and I do actually do voice work for different companies.

I am that voice you love to hate …. “Please hold and your call will be answered by the first available operator.”

Sooooorrrryy. That’s me.

But I could branch out into audio books couldn’t I ? There’s a thought.
Help tired people get to sleep?
Help people who can’t read?
Blind people?

Hello, here we are down sidetrack alley again.

So I’m sitting here now wondering about that experience last night.
Actually it would make a great story don’t you think?
What if that radio station never existed AT ALL.  Not to anybody else but HER!

What if the following night (tonight) she goes back into the spare room hoping to once more get a peaceful nights sleep, un plagued by snoring husbands and restless legs and washing machine heads and there is this radio station – again.
But what if things get even stranger?
Like if the people on the radio station start talking to HER, directly, juuust as she’s drifting off to sleep….Using her name even?
Incorporating HER into their weird little twisted bedtime stories.
But….each night, she falls asleep, before the end of the story….and it just keeps taking her further and further down the Alice in Wonderland hole? Almost as though they are luring her away from reality…into this story world where THEY have ultimate control!
The world inside the radio?

Do you see why it is wise that I do not take drugs?
My washing machine head is already strange enough.

The radio station was called 2rph.
That’s even a strange sounding radio station name.

Heck, if it doesn’t exist…..?

About Tracy Lundgren

I am a people watcher,life observer, nature lover, spiritual seeker loving this crazy wild ride that life is taking me on. I am still a blank piece of paper waiting to be filled and that is good.
This entry was posted in Bedroom, Life, Uncategorized, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Washing machine head.

  1. Adam S says:

    I have washing machine head too, and I do the same thing. I listen to iTunes radio talk stations, and end up listening to all kinds of weird stuff — particularly psychic talk. I’m weird…

  2. desertrose7 says:

    Well see now I’d find that kind of stuff really interesting and I’d want to stay awake and listen more.
    I’m sure there’s a whole bunch of us with our heads stuck on spin cycle.

  3. Dan says:

    Sounds like you need to find your “gentle cycle” followed by a calm “rinse”. 😉

    I’ve somewhat solved by sleep problems by listening to my favorite music on an ITouch and headphones.
    After an hour or so, I might semi-consciously wake up and realize that I am listening to the music and turn the unit off. But at that less than fully awareness state everything seems to be in sync with everything else and I fall off into lala land.
    Just remember, the only person who can turn your washing machine head on and off or control it’s settings is YOU.

    As for the RLS, have you looked into TENS.
    My wife also suffers from RLS except that the dopamine she takes for her Parkinson’s puts her in a catch-22 situation because the dopamine stimulates the nerves when one wants to calm them down to help the RLS.
    I have a friend who is a retired Physical Therapist. After talking with him about my wife’s situation he suggested the TENS treatment. It is successful maybe 50% of the time, but it does not involve taking any medications which my wife doesn’t like doing anyhow. But she did not want to try it.
    I have no idea why?
    So my dear, I ask you, when was the last time you did something for the first time?
    Try it. What have you got to lose except maybe $50 bucks.

  4. desertrose7 says:

    Music is far too stimulating for my mind. Cannot listen to anything even vaguely musical or else I’ll start analyzing how it’s made.
    I’m taking magnesium again. Seems to be helping.
    Make I should add some fabric softener to my diet too . It might at least make my thoughts soft and fluffy.

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