Bucket lists for the gutless and chronically petrified.


The other day my father accidently knocked a bucket that was on the kitchen floor and turned to my step mum and said.
“Love, I think I just kicked the bucket.”

This is good because he scared us all by having a heart attack not so long ago so it’s a relief to see he’s got his sense of humour back.

Which brings me to the topic of “bucket lists”.

I’m not sure I like that term because it implies all kinds of insane outrageous things that insane outrageous people profess to want to try before they die.
I think we should have lists to do things we want to do to feel like we’re alive. (While staying alive.)
Life lists!
Kind of like- “Bucket lists for the gutless and chronically petrified.”
Things that make us live a better more fulfilled life –safely.
Anyone at any age can have a life list without dying involved in it.

I admit I’ve had trouble with bucket lists because it seems like you are expected to choose amazing, grandiose, incredibly dangerous activities like jumping out of airplanes or climbing stupidly tall mountains or throwing yourself from ridiculously high bridges attached to rubber bands…

It seems ludicrous to me to do things that might actually cause you to literally kick the bucket.
I wonder how many headstones read – “killed by bucket list.”
I’m a big chicken at heart- Iike my feet firmly on the ground thankyouverymuch and anything that involves physical or mental risk really doesn’t thrill me at all.

So I think “Life lists” are better suited to cowards like me.
Simple things.
Easily attainable things.
Gentle, non risk like things.

I sort of started a list like this and one of the things on it was to go horse riding.
I’d never been on a horse before, ever and had this dreamy fantasy of riding a beautifully elegant horse through picture perfect countryside, on a gentle trail somewhere with wildflowers dotting the landscape…
Can you see it?
Woman and placid beast?
Hit the slow motion button, add some soothing background music and picture me in a long flowing white blouse, hair blowing in the wind….
Ahh yes, you’ve got it.
As with most things in life though they usually don’t turn out anything even remotely like the fantasies in your head.

I did ride a horse… up the side of an active volcano in the Philippines.
Only it wasn’t a big elegant horse with a beautiful flowing mane and I wasn’t surrounded by gorgeous scenic country side.
It was a short stumpy kind of horse, kind of like a donkey cross horse?
Dusty, skinny and bedraggled and it had no saddle!
All there was to hang onto was a horn sticking up from between my legs (rather undignified) and the winding trail leading up the side of the volcano was pitted and full of crumbling trenches.
It was about 40 degree’s with 100% humidity and all you could smell was the rotten egg smell of sulphur and the stink of your own armpits!
It was like the four wheel drive version of riding a mangy mule through hell.

(God has a sense of humour when he see’s you writing lists.)

I screamed the whole way as the mad Filipino guides hurriedly ushered the lot of us up that perilous trail, and screamed even more on the way down because it was so steep and I ended up slipping halfway down the horse’s neck, fearing at any moment that I’d slide right off!
Not only that, halfway through the torturous trek my young guide got tired and jumped on the horse behind me where he sat very very close with legs almost straddling mine and whispered things like “How old are you Ma’am…you are very beautiful Ma’am”. Which was disconcerting, but kind of an ego booster until I realized it was just a ploy to get a bigger tip at the end.

It WAS an experience I can say that.

So I’m trying to think of other VERY safe things to add to my list. (Ones that God can’t get too imaginative with?)
Like growing my own tomato’s (Here in Australia you have to take out a loan at the moment to buy a bag of tomato’s.)
Making soap? No, hang on. I tried that once and it was like something out of a Lucille Ball episode. (Never try to beat lumps out of soap with an electric beater.)
What about… writing a book? Hey there’s a thought. I don’t know what ABOUT, but it’s something I’d like to try?

What about you?
What would your “life list” look like?
I’d love some ideas.

Remember….gentle simple things that don’t require a change of underwear.

One of my favourite questions is “When was the last time you did something for the FIRST time.?

Not….”When was the first time you did something for the last time.”

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About Tracy Lundgren

I am a people watcher,life observer, nature lover, spiritual seeker loving this crazy wild ride that life is taking me on. I am still a blank piece of paper waiting to be filled and that is good.
This entry was posted in Australia, Getting older, Humour, Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Bucket lists for the gutless and chronically petrified.

  1. Peggy Tee says:

    Hilarious! Maybe knitting? I knitted a scarf once. I miscounted the knit and purls and ended up with something that twisted around, got caught on a door handle and nearly choked me. Beware of bucket lists!

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