Snogging with a dentist.

I woke up this morning with the sun beating in on me through the blinds and that immediately put me in a bad mood because I hate the heat and if its already scorching hot at 7.30 am, just how much more unpleasant will it get?
I was surprised to see my husband at home working as he was supposed to go into the office but he informed me that the trains weren’t running due to bush fires.
A scary forewarning of what our summer will be like this year.
So while the kettles boiling and I’m standing there all bleary eyed chatting to hubby suddenly in mid sentence one of my front teeth falls out of my head into the voluminous amounts of crap on his desk.
I’m holding my mouth uttering all kinds of cuss words and making whining yelping dismayed noises and all he says is…
“Where is it… find it, don’t leave it on my DESK!”

Ok, so it’s not my actual tooth. It’s a composite veneer I had done while in the Philippines a few years ago.
And I’m exaggerating just to make the story more exciting…It was only about a quarter of the tooth that fell out.

But still!
You should feel just as dismayed and sorry for me. (More than my husband.)

Surprisingly I got an early appointment considering we’ve just moved and I haven’t established all those routine things like dentists and doctors.
Anyway, so he takes a look and I convince him with my feminine wiles and sob story of being financially strapped to just do a quick repair job rather than replace the whole thing… (Because I’m going back to the Philippines and getting a proper porcelain crown done in January.)

He has a really good sticky beak inside my mouth and charts down everything, as they do(while his brain is going “ching a ching ching!”) and comments more than once on what a great job somebody has done with my fillings.
Good to know, I think to myself.
It’s nice having your fillings admired, especially when they’ve been done in a third world country for an eighth of the cost they charge in Australia. (robbing bastards!)

As I’m laying there cursing the fact that I hurriedly pinned my hair up this morning with bobby pins and they are now painfully sticking into the back of my skull my mind starts to wander as all the sculpting and sanding is taking place.

I had this thought.

When dentists kiss somebody for the first time what is the experience really like?
Does his tongue automatically reach to investigate the state of her fillings…potential cavities? A build up of plaque? Pockets of gum disease? Does it wonder or discover how well (or how not well) she flosses?
Is it investigating the possibility of a root canal here….or an implant there? Wondering just how wide she can open up in order to fit all those delicious implements of torture?

Do dentists even kiss?

I can’t imagine, after looking into people’s sometimes filthy, smelly gobs all day that a tongue would want to go anywhere NEAR that orifice.
Not without a glove on it.

I was so tempted, and worryingly so (because these days I have trouble with preventing myself from coming out with random uncensored questions) to ask him…

“So, what does kissing feel like,in your line of work?”

Luckily he had both hands in my mouth, a sucker from hell, lights, cameras, tampon lip holder uppers and sanding strips, so the thought remained safely trapped inside my head. (I did have to restrain myself from giggling though imagining his reaction if I’d been able to ask.)

I’m genuinely curious , so if anyone reading this happens to be a dentist. (don’t worry,you don’t have to show your face on TV) could you please let me know what goes through your mind when you kiss someone for the first time? Anything like the scenario I painted?

As for me.
I can now smile with exorbitantly expensive confidence.
My wallet however is feeling very lightheaded.
The broken bit of tooth has never been found.


About Tracy Lundgren

I am a people watcher,life observer, nature lover, spiritual seeker loving this crazy wild ride that life is taking me on. I am still a blank piece of paper waiting to be filled and that is good.
This entry was posted in Australia, Dentists, Humour, Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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