The roller coaster…

Standard

I’m crashing.

This year began with a surge of creative energy, and ENERGY in general. My mind felt alive and buzzing and “open”…..flowing you know? The flow was there.
I felt more like myself. More than I have in ages!

Now? I just want to sleep.
Just curl up in bed, and sleep.

It’s an effort to get up and just do a few essential things, and this is really inconvenient because I have my eldest daughter visiting and I had so many things planned, mostly photographic things, because she complained that most of the photo’s we have around the house are of her sister Shai.
Well, I can’t help that she lives so bloody far away!

Anyway..so I feel bad that we haven’t really done anything.
Shai is at Tafe now and worn out by the time she gets home.
I feel like a walking zombie….
My head feels full of cotton wool.
My neck and throat actually feel strange…
Phantom double chin my daughter and I call it and I’m sure it’s when our thyroids are doing something weird.
Why else would we both feel the same thing? You couldn’t make crazy shit like that up!

I had a major meltdown at the doctors surgery the other day.
I had NO idea it was even coming as I felt perfectly ok when I walked in there and all I really wanted was to get my last thyroid test results and ask him why after six damn months on medication my hair is STILL falling out and WHY I just cannot lose one tiny bit of weight even though my thyroid panel keeps showing “normal”.
And WHY my menstrual cycle is all over the place…..and THOSE hormones are supposedly all “normal”.
And WHY some days I feel like psycho woman.
Anyway, I showed him psycho woman because all of a sudden I went from totally normal woman sitting in the chair to bawling, sobbing, ugly cry ‘psycho” woman wailing….
“By the time I’m fifty I’m going to be fat and bald! Why the hell can’t any of you doctors HELP me!”

He was nice about it.
Actually he looked quite startled because I’ve always presented myself intelligently and rationally…. He quickly rushed to find me a box of tissues while I tried really hard to collect myself.

So to cut a long probably boring story short….he wrote a referral for an endocrinologist.
Bloody hell, not another one.
They’re all the same….treating only “numbers” and not symptoms.

I’ve gone in search of someone myself. I’m done with western medicine.

This is such a “downer” post. :(
I’ll end it on a brighter note.

This is my beautiful eldest daughter. (I did manage to take a few pics the other day.)

I call this one….
“Red sunset in her hair”.

Red sunset in her hair small

Then I sat her on an old suitcase I picked up at a second hand market for $20
Not bad for a delightful “old” prop!

Keira on suitcase smaller

Then I made her get IN the suitcase.
(I’m so lucky to have daughters willing to do things like crawl in and out of mouldy old suitcases to satisfy their mothers creative whims.)

Keira in suitcase  small

And then we had fun staging a “murder”.
Actually my husband was concerned that I took these photo’s and put them “out there”.
“What if there IS a murder around here and someone saw you parading around with a “bloody knife”. he said.
So for the record….IT WAS TOMATO SAUCE AND RED FOOD COLOURING. (Just in case the cops tap into my blog.)

I was aiming for a conceptual shot.
One that makes you think…you know?
lol!
Maybe it didn’t quite work.

The suitcase-2

10 responses »

  1. i’m sorry you are dealing with this, and not getting any response from the med community only makes it worse i’m sure. on the other hand, i love the pics. your daughter is indeed beautiful and maybe staging the ‘murder’ was great therapy )

  2. hugs hun, you are down :-( and don’t fret about it being a ‘downer’ post – hell I have them all the time…that’s what we are here for, this community to listen – to help – to open ourselves up and free some of the crap we go through. Delete the Western medicine and try elsewhere – what harm can it do. Their therapy has been around a lot longer than Western medicine. Your other daughter is stunning and with Shai – well you only have to look at their mum to see where they get their beauty from. xx

    • Aw, thanks Jen. I know you were feeling a bit flat not too long ago. The ups and downs. Just a part of being alive I guess. Better than the alternative, lol!
      I’ll give this new doctor a go….”intergrative medicine” We’ll see.

  3. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time with hormones and doctors. Western medicine has achieved some wonderful things, but it sure does tend to concentrate on fighting diseases, not healing people. I hope alternative healing therapies are more helpful. Your photographs are beautiful and so are your daughters. I love that red hair!

    • I believe western medicine is superb for putting people back together….surgeries, transplants etc…but when it comes to DISEASE they flounder, shove pills at you – which all have side effects, and don’t seem to treat people as a WHOLE system – rather just in bits and pieces. Thanks for the comments on the photo’s. I like the red hair too :)

  4. Hi Tracy :D You have two beautiful daughters, a great writing skill and what you do with those bottles…. well !! Hopefully by now you are on the up. Big hug. Ralph xox :D

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