This year began with a surge of creative energy, and ENERGY in general. My mind felt alive and buzzing and “open”…..flowing you know? The flow was there.
I felt more like myself. More than I have in ages!
Now? I just want to sleep.
Just curl up in bed, and sleep.
It’s an effort to get up and just do a few essential things, and this is really inconvenient because I have my eldest daughter visiting and I had so many things planned, mostly photographic things, because she complained that most of the photo’s we have around the house are of her sister Shai.
Well, I can’t help that she lives so bloody far away!
Anyway..so I feel bad that we haven’t really done anything.
Shai is at Tafe now and worn out by the time she gets home.
I feel like a walking zombie….
My head feels full of cotton wool.
My neck and throat actually feel strange…
Phantom double chin my daughter and I call it and I’m sure it’s when our thyroids are doing something weird.
Why else would we both feel the same thing? You couldn’t make crazy shit like that up!
I had a major meltdown at the doctors surgery the other day.
I had NO idea it was even coming as I felt perfectly ok when I walked in there and all I really wanted was to get my last thyroid test results and ask him why after six damn months on medication my hair is STILL falling out and WHY I just cannot lose one tiny bit of weight even though my thyroid panel keeps showing “normal”.
And WHY my menstrual cycle is all over the place…..and THOSE hormones are supposedly all “normal”.
And WHY some days I feel like psycho woman.
Anyway, I showed him psycho woman because all of a sudden I went from totally normal woman sitting in the chair to bawling, sobbing, ugly cry ‘psycho” woman wailing….
“By the time I’m fifty I’m going to be fat and bald! Why the hell can’t any of you doctors HELP me!”
He was nice about it.
Actually he looked quite startled because I’ve always presented myself intelligently and rationally…. He quickly rushed to find me a box of tissues while I tried really hard to collect myself.
So to cut a long probably boring story short….he wrote a referral for an endocrinologist.
Bloody hell, not another one.
They’re all the same….treating only “numbers” and not symptoms.
I’ve gone in search of someone myself. I’m done with western medicine.
This is such a “downer” post. :(
I’ll end it on a brighter note.
This is my beautiful eldest daughter. (I did manage to take a few pics the other day.)
I call this one….
“Red sunset in her hair”.
Then I sat her on an old suitcase I picked up at a second hand market for $20
Not bad for a delightful “old” prop!
Then I made her get IN the suitcase.
(I’m so lucky to have daughters willing to do things like crawl in and out of mouldy old suitcases to satisfy their mothers creative whims.)
And then we had fun staging a “murder”.
Actually my husband was concerned that I took these photo’s and put them “out there”.
“What if there IS a murder around here and someone saw you parading around with a “bloody knife”. he said.
So for the record….IT WAS TOMATO SAUCE AND RED FOOD COLOURING. (Just in case the cops tap into my blog.)
I was aiming for a conceptual shot.
One that makes you think…you know?
Maybe it didn’t quite work.