Hot sweaty flash of misery.

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I don’t understand how women going through perimenopause and those who are menopausal, yet still in the throes of this God awful thing are not beating their doctors over the head with a blunt instrument.
Honestly, how women going through the “change” are not locked up in an insane asylum or in jail , I don’t know, because I for one right now feel like I have entered hell.

For the past two weeks I have been experiencing constant hot flushes and night sweats and it is driving me to absolute distraction! I don’t know whether I’m just a wuss or that other women are just silent martyrs but this SUCKS and I am not ashamed to bitch and moan about it.

Bloody men! They have it SO damn good!

Maybe this is what the”secret womens business” of the Aboriginal people is all about? They get together and bitch,moan,weep and sweat together?

Each night I go to bed, dressed as lightly as possible, no matter the temperature and all night long I am stripping everything off, turning the fan on, getting up and getting a big drink because for some reason for me these hot flushes come with an insatiable thirst…Then I doze, until I feel freezing cold, so on go the covers and I curl up in a ball….doze….and then I’m freaking stinking hot and sweating and throwing everything off and THIRSTY again….repeat the same except this time my bladder wakes me up. Jesus Christ! How exasperating and exhausting!

We are due to go on a cruise next week – to the South Pacific islands again, and I am dreading it.
Already I am rearranging furniture in the cabin in my mind because there is no WAY I can sleep in the same bed as hubby (We sleep separately at home now) because as well as all his snoring, farting, chewing, talking, stealing the covers etc…he radiates this insanely hot body heat which WILL make me spontaneously combust when combined with my own.

I’m even contemplating taking a little spray bottle to douse myself in during the night seeing as there won’t be the luxury of a ceiling fan with remote. (Oh how I will miss THAT!) (If he snores too loudly too I’ll just give him a good squirt!)

I considered smuggling on my own fan to put on the bedside table, but I doubt they would allow me to bring it onboard. :(
Seriously guys, I am desperate.
We will be having a cabin with doors that can open apparently but you can’t actually go out on the balcony…or maybe you can but it’s tiny and the lifeboats are right there. That’s ok, I don’t give a toss about the view… I just want good clean COLD air!
Geez…if hubby’s snoring gets to me and if I get hot and desperate enough I’ll climb into the damn lifeboat for the night!
Sneak up to the top deck and sleep in the pool? Maybe I’ll bring my own pool noodle so I don’t drown.

Even as I type the heat radiating from my laptop is causing another hot sweaty flash of misery.
Drinking a cup of tea makes me break out in a sweat!
Hot spicy food….alcohol….it all makes me BURN baby BURN!
This is INSANITY!!!!!

I do have a suspicion though that it is not only perimenopause but I feel slightly hyperthyroid too.
Oh this is lovely….going through the change as well as having a misbehaving thyroid!

Have I moaned enough?

Another chapter… “Ugly desks and old mirrors.”

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I’ve often wondered what it must be like for other people who have lived in the same house for years and years, perhaps their whole life, to be able to remember things/events, experiences because for me, having moved house countless times my memories are jogged by where I was living at the time and they are all like mini chapters of my life.
I think the longest I/we have ever lived in one house is nine years and that was a miracle (cheap rent helped too.)

I actually like moving house. It is an opportunity for a thorough cleansing. Out with the old….(The new always comes again in the next place I settle my wings.)
I must admit, I am not very connected to “stuff”. Not sentimental at all really. I have a lot of it, and of course there are some things that are particularly special to me but I can easily part with “stuff”. (Unlike my husband!)

I love finding a new house… Exploring it, getting used to the new light and atmosphere, smells and sounds that houses inevitably have. Feeling some of the residual “energy” left behind…
This PARTICULAR house, well, it has brought more than it’s fair share of “interesting” experiences and although at times I’ve been scared silly, it’s also been a lovely place to live…BUT…. It seems now it is time to leave. Farewell my ghosty friends!

Yes….WE’RE MOVING AGAIN!

Wow, I think I started this blog when we moved in here, so it’s been two years.
To be honest for a short time now I have been feeling the anticipatory urge that precedes a move. Now it is inevitable.
We have to be out by January. But AGGGHHHHHHH! We have this major overseas trip to the UK booked now. What sucky timing.
Never mind. What will be will be.

So right now I am like a woman possessed! A massive clearing out is happening in my house and since my hubby is away overseas…well, it’s a MARVELOUS time to be getting rid of things he will never know I have gotten rid of! HA!

I got rid of his desk today.
I advertised it on gumtree saying “Massive ugly desk with matching ugly chair – FREE!” It had about 450 views before someone finally plucked up the courage to come get it.
Honestly, it WAS ugly.
A dingy rosewood colour, with a glass top (I hate glass tops) – ENORMOUS in all it’s hideousness and it had a slight bend in it at one end like it was like a desk that couldn’t make up its mind whether or not it wanted to be a corner desk or not.
ODD and ugly.
But HUGE.
My husband always buys HUGE things. Big cars, big salt and pepper shakers, big desks….

Anyway so these people came to pick it up tonight after stuffing me round for a few days.
Absolute BOGANS, but nice people all the same.
If you don’t know what a bogan is…think tattoo’s, singlet tops, “rough as guts” kind of demeanor and often sporting a mullet haircut.

I tell you what, getting this damn desk out of here was an experience. I’ve never worked up such a sweat. (I TOLD them to bring TWO very strong men!) but no…there was mama bogan and son bogan, so of course I had to help.

I don’t know HOW my husband got this desk inside this house because it’s full of twists and bends – the house , not the desk. Somehow he always manages to solve the puzzle of how to get large objects to fit through doorways and hallways. All from his experience loading trucks when he worked in the music industry I guess.
I just wanted to take a damn axe to this stupid desk in the end!

Finally we managed it… The people were happy. I was happy…the house feels much BIGGER without the desk.
Free and deskless. Wonderful!

Oh, and don’t worry…hubby was aware that I was getting rid of it. I couldn’t hide THAT from him. It would be rather obvious that something more than half the size of the room was “missing”.
He is dealing with the loss as well as can be expected.

Before I go, I have to tell you something exciting.

Last year (I think it was) I found an old antique looking mirror on the side of the road during a curbside collection.
It’s rather “deceased estate” looking. Quite ornate but rather unattractive I think, but something about it whispered to me to take it home.
I did have plans of turning it into something shabby chic. Painting the ugly glass flowers and trim white, which is broken in places…
I did google to see what sort of mirror it might be, just in case it WAS of any value, and came across some references to “Venetian mirrors” but I thought nah…no one would throw something of that sort of value away?

Well…it turns out that this IS an Antique Venetian mirror! I sent a picture to an antique dealer today and they said YES….it is!

Wow! I googled and saw some that are worth like eight or ten thousand dollars..in good nick of course.
This wont be anywhere near that price because it needs restoring, but still…..it might just bring in a few much needed extra dollars!

This is what it looks like. Kind of “Mirror mirror on the wall” – ish.
Old mirror

We will see :)

Abstract photography and some MOST exciting news!!!

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First of all….I tried experimenting today creating some abstract art photography using alcohol inks/oil and water and a leaf…
Messy process and just as well I chose to work outside in the natural light as I got ink all over my fingers!
These were my two favourites….Colourful YES!

Psychadelic leaf 2 small

Psychadelic leaf SMALL

Now….for my most exciting news!

Looks like my dream is coming true because although we have talked about it a lot it seems now that now it is going to happen!
At the end of next February Richard and I are going to be going on a most amazing holiday to England and Ireland! Whooo!!!

I can’t WAIT. Oh the photographic opportunity! The charm and character, quaintness…CASTLES! Cobbled streets and breathtaking scenery…winding roads and rugged cliffs and….OH! Can you tell I am just SOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited???

I can’t believe it but his work has allowed him to take one whole month off! They weren’t happy about it but agreed as long as he is “available one day a week while away to take calls.” We can deal with that. They are just SO bloody mean when it comes to allowing him to take extended holidays. Anyway, I won’t complain because I’m just over the moon that we will be going!
Richard has more or less told me….”Start looking YOU choose where we will go.”
I’m overwhelmed…don’t know WHERE to start!

I am SO SO lucky to have this opportunity!
So lucky to have such a generous husband who enjoys this sort of travel as much as I do. :)

The nest.

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Managed to get up enough energy today to create this still-life photograph.

Shai’s Cockatiels keep laying infertile eggs.
She has three birds, two females and one male.
Jasper – the male is desperately in love with Freckles, who urges him to constantly groom her head but refuses to groom him back and will absolutely not let him go anywhere near her as far as ‘nookie” is concerned but seems to enjoy all of his frantic attempts to court her by singing many varied LOUD tunes and spreading his wings very wide as if to say “Look what a fine stud of a specimen I am and I can give you lots of equally fine offspring!”
It is all in vain though because she only wants her head scratched, on demand.

Then there is Piper who is also female and is the cheeky impish one who has her eye on Jasper but also seems quite fond of Freckles, so she may swing both ways…who knows.

Anyway, so both females combined laid about seventeen eggs, which is ridiculous. (should have seen them trying to sit on them all) and we had to leave them in there for a while for fear of them getting anxious if we took them, causing them to lay more….which is not good for their health.

Finally it was time to take them away, so instead of throwing them away….or making a small omelette…I decided to do something artsy fartsy with a few of them.
I made a nest out of nesty looking stuff and then photographed it on an old rusty tray and came up with this picture.
Mind you I had to stand on a chair, holding a torch to light the eggs, while holding the camera and also positioning a small desk lamp which at one point I held between my knees! Not quite as sharp as I’d have liked but it will do!
Oh the things you do to get a photo!

So…here it is.

Nest  small

Hi, I’m alive! (Some photographs of my meanderings…)

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Hi….I am not dead but I AM sick in bed with what feels like the start of a cold or flu…so I thought this a suitable time to find my way back here and post something.
I think I’ll post some pictures since that has been my recent activity worthy of any mention.

I took THIS picture today in fact because I was so bored and needed to do something other than feel sorry for myself.

I think snails can be quite beautiful and they make good subjects although I must admit some are a bit camera shy and others are a bit comatose.

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Not so long ago hubby and I went on a weekend away because he has so much work travel coming up and we needed some alone time. Unfortunately he became really sick with this cold or flu thing…..hence why I am now sick. But I did get some photo’s anyway even though he was dying in the car.

This is Lithgow Blast furnace. One of my favourite ruins to photograph. There are not many ruins to take pictures of these days.

RUINS with  bricks small

Blast furnace puddle small

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We went for a meander up through Jenolan caves very early one morning and I was stunned to come across this beautiful blue pool – made so by the limestone. So magical and enchanting!

In blue pools 2 small

As I squatted down to take pictures I was unaware that right next to me was a duck who looked at me with one eye as if to say “Get on with it then! I’m not bloody moving at this hour of the morning!”

Duck sleeping small

Then we went on to explore Oberon and its surrounds. Lots of pine plantations there and we struck fog even though by then it was later in the morning. I LOVE fog and these pictures were particularly apocalyptic taken in an area that had been logged. Quite sad really because we saw dozens of dead wombats on the side of the road. Forced out? Hit by logging trucks?

Tree roots Black and white small

If you look close you’ll see a goat in this one.

Tree root 2 black and white small

More gloomy fog on the dirt road as we made our way to Kanangra walls- a lookout.

The fog 1  small

Then we found the look out. These types of places don’t do much for me personally. Seen one wall of rock, seen ‘em all. If there had of been some fog THERE or a big eagle soaring across the sky it would have piqued my interest but as it was all I had to work with was my hubby standing FAR to close to the edge for my liking!

Richard edge 2 small

On the way back I took a few pics of the lovely moss. I like moss as much as I like fog but it does start to get a bit “green” after a while.

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Mossy rocks 3 small

And before you become queasy with all the green I’ll leave you with this little splash of colour in the pine forest. I love fungi too….

Fungi  small

I am not the same person.

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I know I keep bringing up the fact that I have Hashimoto’s. Part of the reason is my own frustration and because it is on my mind – obviously because it has impacted my health so much, and partly because I hope by sharing my own experience that I can be a voice for this, even here in this tiny seemingly insignificant little blip of a spot on the Internet.
The fact is, I am just NOT the same person anymore and it makes me a little sad and a little angry.

The most devastating thing I am experiencing is the fact that I am losing my hair.
As a woman this is probably one of the most traumatic aspects of this disease.
Not just because of vanity….because you stick out like a sore thumb when you are losing hair – (it’s not like you can stop people from looking directly at your head), but because you have absolutely no control over it.

Being in control has always been important to me. I suppose to most it is important but to me because certain circumstances in my past were completely out of my control and inevitably had a long lasting negative impact on me, this control thing is really quite an issue.
So to end up with an auto immune disease where your body attacks ITSELF….me attacking ME basically, is kind of ironic because I’ve always been my own worst enemy – emotionally.
I wonder if there is some sort of a connection?

I hear a lot of stories from other women (it’s mainly women who have Hashimoto’s though some men can be unlucky too) who speak of their frustrations and symptoms and anger at the medical community out there who for the most part have very little knowledge when it comes to auto immune disease.
Unlike something like say diabetes for example, little research has been done on Hashimoto’s in comparison and the standard treatment of handing out thyroid medication telling the patient “take this for the rest of your life” quite frankly is JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH, because it really does nothing to address the WHOLE issue.

Your thyroid is an amazingly complex gland that can impact almost every cell in your body.
But that is just the organ which is targeted by this disease.
The auto immune side of things is another thing altogether and many auto immune diseases go hand in hand. You have one, you are at risk of others joining in the party.
To me it is like the beast inside me. Invisible and clever and very very slippery.

It’s so complicated and I don’t pretend to understand it all, and what makes it harder is that it affects your brain too. “Brain fog” they call it.
Your ability to absorb and retain information, to have full concentration. Being either hypothyroid or hyperthyroid can affect your brain in different ways.
I knew something was not right with me years ago….Ha! (So did many others)
No seriously…I felt that my brain was not working “right”.
I felt “creatively stupid”…..at times. Not all the time. Sometimes it would clear and I could do things but then at other times it was like my brain was just not able to function properly.
For a highly creative person like me – and trust me this is different to a ‘creative block”, it has been immensely maddeningly frustrating, and sometimes a little scary.
Knowing WHY this was happening to me, along with the anxiety and depression, weight gain, weight loss and dozens of other things was almost a relief in a way.
Suddenly I wasn’t just CRAZY anymore.

You wouldn’t think that your thyroid would affect things like your brain function and your hair….Seems strange that it could affect your moods and state of mind.
We think of the thyroid as being a metabolic organ….and you think of weight principally, but it affects SO many other things.
In fact there is a list of more than 300 symptoms and effects caused by Hashimoto’s.
I am immensely pleased that I do not have them all. :)

http://www.sarahwilson.com/2014/07/300-typical-thyroid-symptoms-yep-that-many/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=facebook

I wish every family member, partner or friend of someone with Hashimoto’s would take a look at that and understand that it really does drive a person to distraction – even having just a fraction of those things going on at any one time….and to make it worse, variations of symptoms that can crop up – come and go as they please. (It’s really no fun for loved ones standing by watching it all either, I might add.)
Never mind about not knowing if you are Arthur or Martha….with Hashimoto’s it’s like you have the worst kind of multiple personality disorder ever imagined!
Fact is, from one week to the next sometimes you just don’t know how you’ll feel.
Hence – I REALLY am not the same person anymore.

It’s not that bad for me, now. At the moment anyway! (shhh, the beast might hear!) Medication has helped somewhat and a lot of my symptoms have lessened or gone away, but the hair loss in particular just seems to be getting worse despite doing everything I know to do to try and get it under control. Diet, supplements, hormones, digestive enzymes….Right now I’m on natural dessicated thyroid made from pigs thyroid. Controversial to some doctors and not always easy to get. Agghh! You have no idea how much this is costing both mentally and monetarily.

One of my daughters is growing (do you grow them?) dreadlocks at the moment.
I don’t like them much (but they do suit her I must admit) and I said to her “Maybe I should save all my hairs that are falling out and roll them into dreadlocks for future use?”
The crazy thing is…I really thought about this for a bit and actually wondered if there was some way I could clip them to what’s left of the hair on my head?
Just as I wondered if I could get fake hair kinda tattoo’d on my scalp in the places where it’s thinnest…..just to disguise the white of my scalp?

Sheesh.
I know there are more important things in life, than hair…but dear Universe….God, Goddesses….. wishbones, birthday candles, and shooting stars….please hear me, and do your thing!!!

Crafting frenzy!

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THIS is what is keeping me from blogging!
You see I feel this terrible GUILT that I just do not have the time at the moment to be catching up with everyone else’s blogs and if I myself write a blog then you lovely other bloggers who I am neglecting might comment and then I feel so bad that I am not reading YOURS.
I’m sure you all know the feeling.

BUT…..I have to blow the dust off my own blog and at least attempt to write the occasional thing or two or else it will just wither away to nothing.

So as the title says, I have been in a crafting frenzy.

My daughter, Shai, and I have created a little business. Well, we’re not out there selling YET but we will SOON BE!

We’ve called ourself “Twisted Gypsy designs”. And a bit of a plug….here’s our facebook page.

https://www.facebook.com/twistedgypsydesignsau?fref=ts

She’s the twisted one and I’m the gypsy.
:) No….we’re both as twisted as each other and I happen to love everything GYPSY like. So does she.
When I say “gypsy”…..I mean anything alternative, hippie, ethnic, old worldish, magical and basically DIFFERENT.

I love this saying….

“Blessed are the gypsies ,the makers of music, the artists, writers, dreamers of dreams,
wanderers and vagabonds, children and misfits : for they teach us to see the
world through beautiful eyes.”

….and I shall put it on a handmade card or SOMETHING, soon.

And speaking of cards….this is what I have been making lately. Or attempting to.
I’m still very daunted by cardmaking. Seems simple but it’s NOT.
You have to have knowledge of design elements. Know how to pick the right fonts, the right colours, the right backgrounds, the right focal points, the right GLUE!
Oh don’t even talk to me about adhesives….I got myself into a right sticky mess there before trying to work out the right way to attach things.
And then I jumped straight in the deep end and started dabbling with alcohol inks.
Oh my ….what a whole nother FUMY world that is!
You know….you can get high making birthday cards?
Who needs drugs. Just sniff my cards.

Anyway, I’m cutting this short, because I could waffle on forever and I have to get back to finishing some more craft stuff.

So here are a couple of cards I made today with the alcohol ink backgrounds.
I’m not into “pretty pretty”. It’s just not me….so I think I will lean into a more grungy, maybe even steam punkish, vintage, old world look with them.
I could just be lying though. I am completely at the mercy of my creative muse, who happens to be very eclectic.

Canvas of imagination card small

Time flies card small